Day 26: Coming to terms with a disease called alcoholism and accepting the fact I cannot use drugs & alcohol successfully. I've failed every time. The devil prowls around every corner; all I can do is live one moment at a time.

I've been sober for 7 days. The physical withdrawal is over, but the mental cravings are ruthless. I sit in patience. All I can do is wait until this moment passes. A sharp pain has been clawing itself into my left shoulder blade since this morning - obviously a reason to drink. I look at the clock. 12:48 PM. 7 more hours until medication, then bed. My depression is heavy and overbearing. My schizo disorder is flaring up - that evil voice in the left corner of my ear has been degrading me for days. I need to talk with the doctor about this. It's hard to find the motivation to write. "Just keep writing... it will pass the time," I tell myself. I wasn't ready for the fall from grace when I hit my rock bottom. The only place from here is locked up or dead. I don't want to kill myself. But I wouldn't be upset if God called me home early. that's depression. As real as the sharp pain in my shoulder blade. I won't drink today.

And then #aa was here to catch me after my fall. Thank you all for your support. It means a lot.

True story