Where I put the real stuff | Sexual abuse survivor | #MentalHealth Main @ThisIsCorey Content here can be triggering so please take care. Here for support too
Auckland, New Zealand
Joined May 2020
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So this is the place I put thoughts and feelings I don’t want to put on my main. Follow if you want to. Just want a place to say what is going through my head really. My idea of screaming into the world.
I just saw my abuser and it was horrible. He look miserable and then he saw me and his whole face lit up, like I had made his day/year/life.
My sister once again bought up me getting a job. I really don’t think my family understands what damage happened to me during my formative years. My abuser had his hold on me for over a decade and turned up to my work place multiple time. It fucked with me a lot.
And I get feelings of worthlessness because apparently it’s more important to have a job than anything else in this world. Why don’t they get me?
All this is really hard and I really don’t know what to do. I’m lost as to how to get someone to see what is right in front of them.
I have been made out to be a liar recently and my character has been majorly questioned, by someone that knows me extremely well. They have turned into a person I can’t recognise anymore and it hurts me so much. My heart is in pain and it feels like it is only going to get worse.
Why does my family insist on me having a job? As if that is my whole worth. I don’t particularly enjoy not being able to earn money and having a majorly reduced income but I have panic attacks because of work and all my PTSD symptoms rise and then that make MDD harder to fight
Had a big panic attack today because ACC want to have a meeting about my ongoing care. It’s so stressful. Haven’t had one of those in a long time.
Really Corey retweeted
Don't know the details and have absolutely no skin in the game here, but wild that I woke up to a handful of tweets, all from people I don't follow, all calling for Ava's blood.
People of the trans community, please don't forget you are loved ❤️
Maybe things like this is why my psychologist keeps saying “there could be something there”. Maybe I have ADD or something lol.
I am so angry at a system that let me down. It should have protected me. It should have protected so many others. I am so so so angry.
So went to Michael Bublé last night and I just wasn’t into it. I didn’t want to be there. I just felt so miserable. I mean I love his music. But I just couldn’t get into it. This is depression is so deep and its really kicking my arse.
Been talking to my psychologist about my need for closure. I still don’t have it. The main reason is because I keep wanting to know why. I have been set homework to look into restorative justice again.
I keep thinking about taking my abuser to court. I thought I would give me closure but it still hasn’t. I don’t know what will but I’m still working on a way to get that closure. It has all evolved a lot but I don’t have full closure. I think it’s because he hurt so many others.