Things left out: >claim u learn to read when your future wife shows you phonics at a sports shop >have 332 stray apostrophes in your thesis >hear your faculty head tell the BBC you're the best in the world, but the best at what? >water your old "hate mail" claim down to just harassment once lawyers get involved w/ allegation >soften tumor from cognitive harm to maybe-visual between proofs >date the beating claim to 18 , make it 4 teens now, & then exchange the coma for seizures >turn "remembered nothing" into a wiped memory & a thesis relearned from scratch >say your parents were told to put you in a home, & they refused to do so >claim in book pitch that you also had testicular cancer, but later turn that to 2 brain tumors >say in book pitch you were in a bad car crash & had a 3-month coma, then drop it from book >shift the suicide attempt's timing & the attackers' ages between pitch & the book

>claim police traced a severed pig's head at your parents' house to a butcher who'd sold a "whole hog" that morning >have the butcher say no officer ever came in >have the Met call the whole tale “categorically incorrect" >say you’re experiencing a modern day lynching on a podcast >have the ASA make your speaking agency strip unbacked claims >hire Carter-Ruck & get Times Higher Education to kill a finished story >report their journalist to Scotland Yard for emailing you questions about your record >have officers tell him to stop, your mental health was hurt >report a retired professor too, have Devon & Cornwall decline to bother >have the Met chief later admit "we dropped the ball on that one" >get cleared by a panel you asked to weigh the "war on critical race theory" >have 188 matching sentences called an honest & reasonable error >do keynote on the playbook conservatives use to hunt black academics b/c beyond reproach >have the Times find participant 11 in study is three different people >have the same quotes come out of different mouths 25 times across three papers >have the sexes in your paper add up to 110% >have false funding declarations >have an outside expert say there is no question the plagiarism is extensive >have a Cambridge autism professor send round "URGENT PLEASE SIGN ANTI RACISM LETTER" >get 13,000 names & three Cambridge heads vouching for text they never read >have Cambridge call it a "vile smear campaign" >blame autistic mimicry, a l supervisor who left, & one you never met >call the campaign racially motivated >say "what I am not is a liar" >turn 600 miles of margarine in six days into twelve >have Anglia Ruskin edit your citation page the day the Cofnas piece dropped >get Solent to delete the running claims >have the TEDx video go private >have your Jesus College page quietly turn Professorial Fellow into l Fellow & a Liverpool master's vanish >have academics call for a regulator probe, have the Office for Students decline to comment >have Cambridge open a probe into your qualifications & honorary appointments >have Jesus College open its own >quit both on the spot >put the letter out through the Good Law Project >have the letter promise you'll return stronger & wiser >have the letter come back 100% AI >have Jesus College drop its probe the moment you quit >have the Good Law Project boss keep defending you, chalking it all up to neurodivergence >have the ghostwritten memoir come out in the US anyway, after a 1.4m pre-empt >have the UK edition still set for Aug 27 >have Cambridge order an outside audit of how you were ever hired >have Durham & Glasgow open probes of their own >commit suicide >have people portray you as a victim?

Last update: >be Jason Arday >claim diagnosed autistic at 3 >claim non-verbal until 11 >claim partial deafness in one ear & being taught to sign by yourself >claim couldn't read until 18, still leave school w/ two GCSEs >claim you joined the pro snooker tour at 10, a year before you could speak >claim you won so much at snooker your mom thought you were dealing drugs >have the sport's database show just one amateur event, many years later, w/ zero prize money >claim football academy & a pro career >have Crystal Palace say no record >have the real record show tier eight >claim to have been on Seven Up, a series that first tracked 7 year olds as they grew up >have it first air 28 years before you were actually seven years-old >have BBC say you weren't on it, since you're not a time traveller >claim youths at a bus stop beat you into a weeks-long coma >claim you heard medics tell your parents to switch off life support >claim you begged the judge to spare them >claim they turned up years later as your students, hug them, become godfather to one's child >claim 30 marathons in 35 days in 2010, the last nine on a broken leg swollen to twice its size >add an epileptic fit in later tellings >tell local paper you raised more than £100,000 since you were 17 >claim running 600 miles in six days as your final challenge, when the men's record is 650 >claim it came at the same time as a stroke >have no race time on record anywhere, because why bother >have nobody in the ultra world ever hear of you >hand in a PhD on reflective practice w/ 100+ passages matching another student's 2009 thesis >have 188 sentences come back identical or near identical, including her copy-editing errors >match a second PhD & two published papers on top >claim you did it in 2.5 years, working full time, w/ a brain tumor >claim the tumor was cut out 2 weeks before the viva >claim a stroke after the surgery >claim you turned up & remembered nothing at all >claim one supervision meeting in the whole doctorate >get the PhD anyway >publish a paper claiming focus groups w/ 32 black & minority students >have the quotes match an epidemiologist's quotes >have structure follow his too >lift quotes into other papers & pass them off as interviews you conducted >get a correction, not a retraction b/c well. . . . >delete 18 of the 31 quotes >get full chair at Glasgow >tell TEDx crowd you've raised over £5m by age 36 >claim you were once watched a teacher tell a boy who wanted to be a concert pianist to aim lower >retell sort in 2021 w/ the boy as a would-be astrophysicist >retell it again in 2023 as your own & experience & open a Ch 4 film w/ it >be youngest black prof in 900 years, and at Cambridge >get BBC radio series on loneliness >claim 70% of Brits live below the breadline >be voted number 1 in the Disability Power 100 >collect honorary degrees from Solent, Anglia Ruskin, St Mary's, Westminster & London South Bank >say you raised millions for 70+ charities >claim a Palgrave book called Being Young, Black, and Male >have Palgrave say it was never published >claim water points built for WaterAid across SA & Africa >have WaterAid webpage titled "Why we don't send volunteers abroad" >list yourself as a visiting prof at Glasgow >have Glasgow say “nope” >list yourself as a visiting pro at Ohio State's Office of DEI >have no record and have that office turn out to have shut in 2025 >have Birkbeck say no record of your master's >have Nelson Mandela U say the adjunct post ended >get a second paper corrected 2024 >tell a funeral directors' convention in New Orleans the ultras raised £5m alone, but no record again >be named on more than $10m in UKRI & NIHR grants >write to a minister claiming knife threats, assault, spitting, rape, & death threats, plus bananas, bullets, corrosive substances, & mutilated animals >photograph none of it for some odd reason! >claim a masked man w/ a knife cornered you in the faculty twice >show up on no CCTV either time >tell nobody AT THE TIME