Me: <Face ID attempt> Phone: “Who the F are you?” Me: <sprinkles sleep crust across eyelids, pulls 27 frizzy strands out of bun, executes quadruple chin> Phone: “Oh it’s you, come on in”

“Dear bathroom, sorry for what’s coming your way.” - Me, one day before my first colonoscopy

I just had to talk to my sons about consensual nerf-dart playing, how’s your day going

Internet be like “If you have a splinter, don’t dig and try to remove it, but also don’t leave it in there”

“When are you gonna let me grow up already?” - My son, riding his scooter into oncoming traffic, who won’t let me leave his room until he’s asleep

Friday fun! I’m gonna post a random quote from one of my favorite movies, and if you know what it’s from, post a GIF from it. No cheating! “Six girls in college, maybe seven… NO EIGHT!”

Steel Magnolias. Why do I do this to myself. #drinkyourjuice

“We’re not gonna have a wedding. We’re just gonna have a night together watching a movie. And that’s getting married.” My son 13, re: his future wife

10: “I feel like carrots are like carrot roulette. Because every single one of them tastes different.”

Like a book club, but for those obsessed with the same TV series… each week we discuss the latest episode.