Riverside Falls Sheriff's Department

ALL POINTS BULLETIN: Auditions for the upcoming theatre production of “Jaws: The Revenge: The Musical” will be held in the Calypso High auditorium next Wednesday at 7pm! Thanks!

Did you do a crime today?

If you’re in the vicinity of Dot’s Diner, please pick up two number threes, five number nines, and 10 number twos and bring them to 322 10th Avenue. Our boys are on a stakeout and need fuel for their bodies.

It is advised that any and all citizens with longer hair to not use the CoinStar machine at the Food Giant. We’ve already had seven cases of people getting their hairs stuck this week!

Hey, y'all just testing this Facebook Twitter connect thing out. Nothing too serious. Actually, there's a buncha cobras loose at Dale's Exotic Pets so I guess that's serious. Duct tape your ankles if you haven't!

ALL POINTS BULLETIN: I’m trapped in the second story bathroom. I think a mop fell and barred the doorknob SEND HELP. Love, Deputy Horace Pepperweather

Drug PSA: Stop huffing keyboard duster! My keyboard is filthy because all you #teens keep buying up all the cans! Also, it’s harmful to your brain apparently.

Whoever keeps vandalizing the Dick’s Hardware sign, please know we’re on to you.

The bridge on Vaughn Road is out. Should be back in about 30 minutes.

Y’all I keep forgetting this dang password. Steer clear of Hammond Park. A possum got a hold of a t-shirt cannon and is putting in work.

We've got a new episode of our community outreach podcast out today. arcadeaudio.net/riverside-fa…

It's brush fire season! DO NOT leave any dry materials outside or Dean, the local arsonist, WILL set them on fire.