LEAKED: MOJO COOKIE RECIPE 1. Place raw cookie dough on platter 2. Use hair dryer to gently warm the dough 3. Serve

The first floor of the UGLi is so cold you keep having to take breaks so you can warm up by the toaster at Berts. #umichproblems

You're not sure how it's medically possible to still be hungover from spring break but you still can't see straight #umichproblems

Jim Harbaugh attacking his colonoscopy with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind just punched all of your problems in the face #umichproblems

The most traumatic part of post grad life is figuring out how to not show up 10 minutes late to everything #umichproblems

They changed the salad plates at mojo #umichproblems

The only reason you're still paying dues to your sorority/frat is so you can force the freshman to swipe you into squad #umichproblems

You're not sure how it came to this but you just don't feel right studying without a hangover #umichproblems

U keep having to participate in studies for ur psych classes and now the whole dept knows ur a depressed pos w/ daddy issues #umichproblems

Mojo is serving oysters tn in case anyone wants to die #umichproblems

#1 is being ugly. xitter.cf/umichlsa/status/831518…

You haven't done laundry in 3 weeks so you're rollin up to class looking like you just robbed a Burger King #umichproblems

You haven't tasted produce in a month. #umichproblems

You were halfway through a documentary about the MLB before realizing you were actually watching Pan's Labyrinth. #umichproblems

Jabrill is leaving. #umichproblems xitter.cf/jabrillpeppers/status/…

You woke up on ur friend's frat house lawn the other day which wasn't concerning until u remembered he goes to Michigan State #umichproblems

That email from ur GSI sounded flirty, but that might be because they don't speak English and you got blueballed last night #umichproblems

Jim Harbaugh just had another baby, so now there's one more person on this planet who's already better at football than you #umichproblems