I don't know who needs to hear this. If your actions or words hurt someone and you ask them to apologize to you for their reaction, you are a manipulator. This includes asking for an apology after you've apologized for your hurtful actions. Demanding an apology for a reaction deflects responsibility away from the original hurtful action and it punishes the person for having a natural emotional response to being hurt; excluding a disproportionate response. A natural emotional response is; ❤️‍🩹 addresses the specific issue or action that caused the pain ❤️‍🩹 matches the severity of the hurt (eg: crying or raising your voice when deeply betrayed) ❤️‍🩹 expresses intense pain or anger but respects physical and emotional safety ❤️‍🩹 the peak intensity naturally subsides once the hurt is acknowledged A disproportionate response is; 💥 expands into a generalized attack on the person's character 💥 explosive or lingering rage that is wildly mismatched to a minor mistake 💥 crosses into harmful behavior like name-calling, breaking things, or physical threats 💥 the reaction punishes the person for days or weeks through retaliation (eg: silent treatment without communicating you need space) "I'm sorry I hurt you, but you need to apologize for how you reacted" acts as an eraser. It shifts the focus and emotional weight of the conversation away from the original hurt and onto your behavior. It is also a control dynamic, and allows the person who caused the initial pain to regain control of the narrative, ensuring they aren't the only "bad guy" in the scenario. Genuine apologies have no strings attached and acknowledge only the pain it caused; followed up by actionable repairs.

I think it’s time to address the elephant in the room. Over the last two years, I’ve had a handful of creators tell me things like: ▫️“I was told you were an asshole, but you’re actually really nice.” ▫️“I was intimidated by you. I wish we had talked sooner.” ▫️“X person told me to avoid you. I’m sorry I listened to them.” This isn’t a jab at anyone who listened to someone else’s advice. We all have different experiences with different people, and I genuinely believe that. People are like puzzle pieces. We’re all part of the bigger picture, but we aren’t necessarily meant to fit together. And as for being called an asshole? I’m not going to pretend I’m perfect. I can absolutely be one. 😂 But I’m also someone who believes strongly in standing my ground when it comes to my boundaries and morals. I’m not going to sit quietly while someone is rude or disrespectful toward me, my friends, or even a complete stranger. The reality is, a lot of people online don’t like being told “no.” They don’t like being held accountable, challenged, or criticized when their actions cross a line. And I’ve made peace with the fact that standing up for what I believe in may make me the villain in someone else’s story. I’m okay with that. If being the villain means protecting myself, my friends, or someone who doesn’t have the voice to stand up for themselves, then I’ll wear the title. I’d rather be misunderstood for having boundaries than liked for having none.