Shakira’s back on. #worldcupfinal

Why is Craig Charles driving Madonna around a park?

Shat on Argentina

Feral Pete said he can’t tell the difference between Arsenal and Tottenham. Yep. I told him one team is from North London and keeps losing, and the other team play in White.

If you Do Not want to cancel your Festival because you booked a Nazi to headline it, Do Not book a Nazi to Headline your Festival. Festival advice there.

I was today years old when I found out that Americans having the right to Bear Arms does not actually mean they are entitled to the Arms of a Bear.

I could have told you Mountbatten and Mandelson were twats years ago and I am a Fucking Pigeon. Yep. @10DowningStreet

Elon Musk has done a bigger shit on Donald Trump than I could ever do and I am a Fucking Pigeon.

If you Do Not Want to Deny being a Fucking Nazi after making a Nazi Salute, Do not make a Nazi Salute like a Fucking Nazi. Nazi Advice there.

Convinced a Herd of Cows that they are on an Episode of The Traitors. Couldn’t find any Cloaks though. Have improvised. Yep.

Here is my Review of 2024 Donald Trump got Convicted Eurovision was Shit Kier Starmer Shat himself Football was almost not Shit Shit Breakdancing Donald Trump’s ear got shot Oasis stole your money Biden lost his last marble Donald Trump fucking won Gavin and Stacey Christmas

Almost certain I am more normal than Elon Musk and I am a Fucking Pigeon.

Shat on a fat man in a red suit.

I am the Winner of the Shitterball Trophy.

Forget Elf on a Shelf. This is Bird on a Turd.

I have lowered my threshold for launching Shits.

Donald Trump has just appointed me as the new King of Shoes.

If You Do Not want people to see a Video of you snorting drugs, Do Not let people video you when you are snorting drugs. Snorting drugs advice there.

I am the New President of the United Shits of America.