"How come wrong numbers are never busy?"

A goal without a plan is only a wish." - Hal Becker

I'm always relieved when someone delivers a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it." - George Carlin

Those who think it's permissible to tell white lies soon become color-blind. - Austin O'Malley

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat." - Lily Tomlin

"The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now." - Gerald Roque

Camping: Nature's way of promoting the motel industry. - Dave Barry

It is a great advantage to a president, and a major source of safety to the country, for him to know he is not a great man." - President Calvin Coolidge

Life is not a final. It's daily pop quizzes." -Ann Crittenden

" I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells." - Dr. Seuss

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." - Malcolm Forbes

"History is a short trudge from Adam to atom." - Leonard Levinson

"You know you are getting older when " happy hour" is a nap." - Gray Kristofferson

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking" and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? - Ronnie Shakes

"People will forget what you did, people will forget what you said, but they won't forget the way you made them feel."

"If its true we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?"

"No one ever says , "It's only a game", when their team is winning."

"Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?" - George Carlin

"I grew up in a gentler, slower time. When Ike was president, Christmases were years apart, and now it's about five months from one to the next."- Garrison Keillor

Conversations between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about." - Agnew Repplier