Hi. I’m Pat.

I try to keep my finger guns holstered for safety reasons. I only like to pull them out after A. draining a Shooter McGavin level putt or B. after getting rejected and saying “I’ll catch ya on the flip side then” at the bar. Well I had to blast em last night and I wasn’t golfing.

I was there. It was wild. #FuckWawa

Mayor Adams clearly never watched The Dark Knight Rises.

Average Chicago driver.

Where’s Spider-Man when ya need him?

The bartender at B Dubs who had face tattoos told me she was excited to go home and smoke a bunch of weed. I don’t think a B Dubs bartender with face tattoos could say anything less surprising.

I’m a firm believer that every American deserves the right to Life Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness… except Jeeple. They are one of the worst parts of American society

No Nicholas Cage? This is a national embarrassment.

There’s two things I can’t stand. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures, and the Dutch. #USMNT