Some of ya’ll are sweetie pies for the fashion and lack true kindness in your hearts.

Biddy Blas has some packages to mail, pookie.

It’s funny cause Horse is my expert on fields.

I don’t like fake tits. It’s like lying to God.

My gay cat is hiding under the bed cause there’s a leafblower outside. How do I make this nigga not gay? I tried giving him a gun but it didn’t work.

Finishing my night with a root beer float and some LOTR extended editions.

I’m making my famous chili today and all my followers will be getting a bowl.

I could tell my friend was upset because when he called me a cocksucker his heart wasn’t in it.

Just spoke to a voodoo woman and she said I’m dying tomorrow by dog bite.

Yah I only watch true Kino

Sending the Pinkertons after my ex to get my cum back.

Being single sucks ‘cause I started drinking beer at 11 and no one even told me not to. How do I enjoy this without an argument?

Despite my name I don’t like butts ladies, sorry. You gotta have big tits and mental health issues to ride Frank’s Scream Machine.

Getting a handjob from an amish girl and telling her to churn my shit to butter and she does so now my dick is melting at room temperature.

My ex once constructed an elaborate lie to get me to believe she had a miscarriage so I would stay with her (I wouldn’t let her fuck her friend). It didn’t work ‘cause I’m not retarded so she freaked out and did the suicide routine. That experience was much more enjoyable than some of the dates I’ve been on recently. I almost miss it.

I keep having strange, sudden unilateral headaches which either means I’m close to dying or divinely chosen. Either way, I’m gonna be hangin’ with Jesus.

I dream about cool shit like guns and not gay shit like whatever you dream about.

Sweetie moment today: Helped an old lady with her bags. Evil moment today: Called her a cunt for not offering me a gumjob.

I’m not the stepfather, I’m the father that stepped on that lil nigga’s head. That nigga ugly.