Spinning Pagan takes on Christian apocalypses & rogue raptures. My chaos is mine...yours may clash.
Canada
Joined September 2025
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Hey everyone!...a quick note on DMs
I really enjoy connecting through posts and replies here on X, but I deal with social anxiety and some past trauma that makes responding to direct messages feel incredibly overwhelming for me.
It’s not personal at all if I don’t reply...I promise it’s just how my nervous system is wired right now. I apprecate your messages more than you know, even if I can’t always answer them.
If something’s important, feel free to reply publicly to one of my posts or tag me there instead....I’m usually much more comfortable in those spaces.
Thanks so much for your patience and understanding. It means a lot. 🖤✨️🖤
Beautiful little dawnwalker,
soft footed child of the inbetween hours before the dawn.
The world has not yet remembered itself.
And the streets still belong to dew, to silence,
to the last of the night’s secret traffic.
You sat in that deep hush and let a mere human (myself) see you. 🐇
That is no small gift.
May the earth hold your paws lightly.
May the grass remember your name.
May every shadow you slip into stay kind.
And may the fae of the thinning dark
keep your burrow hidden and your path unbarred
until the sun finally claims the sky. ☀️
Hop on, dear wee one.
The quiet hours were made for you.
Go safely through them. 🐾
So mote it may be.
By Bella Thornraven 🖤✨️🖤
Blessed be the breath of the air,
the great unseen hand that shapes these clouds into living, shifting forms.
May the sky hold you as it holds them...soft, vast, and endlessly changing.
Blessed be the white flocks that wander across the blue field of the heavens,and the sun that spills gold glitter through their edges.
May you gather your fluffy comfy blanket like a nest of cloud itself,
and lie down upon the living breathing earth.
Blessed be the grass that receives you, and the falling leaves that come as colourful gifts from the turning trees.
May they rest upon you like quiet blessings, reminding you that even as things let go,beauty still dances overhead.
Spirit of Sky, Spirit of Earth and
Spirit of the inbetween where clouds and leaves meet....
hold every watcher in gentleness.
Let the clouds keep dancing.
Let the heart keep still.
So mote it be.
By Bella Thornraven 🖤✨️🖤
This is something I wrote decades ago....in one of my darkest moments. And it fits how I feel now. The image is AI( prompt by me), but the Poem is mine.
Into the dark of night she walks
The heavy burden of her heart for all to see
The bareness of her feet upon the cold hard ground
Down this darkened pathway
The delicate shoulders slumped with her pain
The nakedness of her body an echo of an emptied soul
An endless journey she takes
The passage of time shows in her now ravaged body
The emptiness of her hands a reflection of her hollow eyes
No light shall she see
The endless growing vines a sign of her intended darkness
The quiet voice of her mouth a sureness of her silent despair 🖤✨️🖤
instagram.com/p/DdFswnUtc5E/…
Once, hope still lived in these eyes.
Twenty years ago, the light still reached me.
Now the dark pulls harder and harder.
Three weeks since the anxiety storm broke my body.
I still haven’t come back up for air.
The underworld has claimed another night...
No prayers rise...
No gods answer...
I stopped hoping...
Just this quiet sinking.
This picture is me, but from a time that hope was still breathing, before the dark consumed my living light. My eyes have since gone cold and dark, the light swallowed by the sorrow within.
Bella Thornraven 🖤✨️🖤
I will be deleting this pist with my picture....just for once, needed to know I exist.
@yungblud
I have yet to delete this....still unsure, though my anxiety is extremely high. Pushing me into the dark void, telling myself no one wants to hear my voice. That I am stupid and dumb. That when I open my mouth I shame myself. And that includes posting. I am getting too tired to keep crawling back up. I have such fear of personal interactions with anyone. I can't be touched by strangers, because I have anxiety attacks....too damn touch sensitive to get hugs outside my own children and grandchildren....and I rarely see them ( can't drive and they live too far away to walk there....plus they kniw very little of what happened). My own father doesn't consider me immediate family....only his sons are. I am just the unwanted daughter that is too hard to love I guess. My own mum, told me to shut my mouth about my abusive stepfather and keep it in the family. My ex-husband did so much abusive shit mentality, it makes me wonder why I still even exist....and I have not physically seen or talked to him in 15 years....yet I am still terrified of him. These thoughts keep getting darker and darker....aren't they suppose to fade with time? What I wouldn't give, to be able to sit and just talk to someone who wants to actually listen to me talk....about anything at all. And that hug....to not fear being touched, to not think I am too horrible to even hug. I have tried giving a hug to a coworker when they asked, as they were leaving. And afterwards, those dark thoughts go full force and I end up physically sick and shaking....I can't even go for a walk to the park alone anymore....my camera is broken, which was the only thing getting me out of the house outside my work. I love taking pictures of what I see....but that is even taken from me. Sorry, just feel so broken and worthless. 😔
I don't need anyone to comment or even say anything at all...in fact, with my anxiety and what I feel, it probably is not good with my depression or anxiety....just for me....knowing someone "sees me"...and heard MY voice....nothing more. And it shows up in the views....sorry for all this.
I guess I feel like talking abit. Into the void....when I took the picture above 20 years ago....I had gotten away from my abusive ex....he use to tell me all the time he was ashamed to be seen with me. That I was ugly and not pretty enough. I felt ugly by this point, and taking this picture and other pictures was extremely hard. Because I still had thise dark thoughts....and could even look at myself in the mirror. And looking back now, at this picture from then...I can't see why he said that too me. I had 4 children with him by this point and had list 2 sweet babies. Thing us, I still feel that way about myself... I avoid pictures still. And what he told me over and over for years, has deep roots that will never fade. I can barely speak up, he took my voice as well....telling me he was embarrassed every time I opened my mouth and talked to someone. Even 20 years later, it still affects me. Creating this whole X account, was very hard....especially sharing my pagan self that I was deeply afraid to tell anyone about. I do exist, despite people trying to erase me....but I am also extremely terrified of that existence. I just want to one day be somewhere, where I can be free to be who I am, who I was meant to be...not afraid to be seen or noticed by others, to not be afraid of my voice ir words being heard....is that wrong of me to want? Because right now...I feel it is, and I am drowning in that belief.
You know....when the one person you personally invited into your life, to be your life partner and who is suppose to love you....tells me repeatedly, year after year that I am so hard to love, that he is ashamed to be seen with me because of how I physically look, embarrassed when I open my mouth at all to use my voice, and to say no one really wants to be my friend, and will just use me to get close to him.....you just....die. This is on top of the abuse from childhood, and a mother who put down everything I wanted to be...she basically told me I couldn't do it....from age 5 up. She helped kill all my dreams before I had a chance to understand them. And when I got free from my abusive ex....she told me no man will want me, especially when I have another man's kids. Again....why fight it any more. From the man who abused me as a child and took my childhood away, to me mum who killed my dreams, and my ex who shattered my hope....the dark wins.
This is a Playlist I created for when my anxiety and depression get too much and I no longer want to be 😔
music.apple.com/ca/playlist/…
It is open for those who want to add songs that will help me get through that darkness and feel too tired to go on 💔
music.apple.com/ca/playlist/…
Red Alert tornado warning for my area....I have both my grandsons here. I did not do well last time....but that one hit close by. The sky seems okay above me. It seems near Mount Elgon area....so anyone near there....keep watch and stay safe!
Touch down confirmed near me. Bloody scary....15 years living here, and this year is the worst ever.
Update ...my daughter picked up my grandsons....and showed me the front of my apartment building. One of our massive trees was ripped up by the roots and slammed into the building. I thought it was lightning hitting nearby because the whole building shook...and she drove by where the tornado touched down on the opposite side of town. There is damage and flooding. I really wish I could go back to the BC mountains, but they are burning 😭
Blessings for Gentle Azrael, the Gentle Guardian
Brigid of Hearth and Wild Places,
Weaver of warmth and watchful light,
Look kindly upon this small belived silvered one,
Cute and quick, resilient and bright.
Gentle hunter of the shadowed hours,
Guardian of night in your quiet way,
May your jumps be sure, your eyes ever keen,
Protected and safe as you hunt and play.
Blessed be your webs of fate so fine,
May you thrive in peace within these walls,
Little resilient spirit, so fierce yet so kind,
Watched over by the Goddess with love for all.
So mote it be.
By Bella Thornraven 🖤✨️🖤
🤖 Made with AI
