What drink is the exact opposite of champagne? Make it a double.

My thoughts have coalesced into this: onefoottsunami.com/2016/11/1…. I'm redoubling my efforts to help others. It helps beat back the despair.

“Time stopped…He could count on experiencing [this illusion] several times a year — whenever he received news he could not joke about.”

Oh, FUCK no MSNBC, Rudy Guiliani does not get to talk in my house. Instant mute.

I saw some polls had closed at 6 PM, so I went to check where. Of course it’s Kentucky. (Also Indiana, but time is all screwy there anyway)

It's past 5 o'clock here on the East Coast, which means it's OK to start (admitting you've been) drinking!

Hillary Clinton makes me wish men could wear pantsuits too.

For these reasons, and so many more, vote for Hillary Clinton tomorrow: onefoottsunami.com/2016/11/0…

Quite simply, @HillaryClinton is what America needs right now. xitter.cf/HillaryClinton/status/…

OK, I finally figured it out. Tuesday night, about 10 PM, he and his whole vile clan will come out on stage and just say “The Aristocrats!”.

For the record, the water is perfectly normal. I don't think any water has ever been sticky. I don't think that's even possible.

Among the gripes my grandma has is that the water coming out of her faucet recently is “sticky”. Sticky water! How do you respond to that?!

She’s quite with it, and very eager to vote for Hillary. November 12th can’t come soon enough! The 8th? No, she’s pretty sure it’s the 12th.

I am at my grandmother's house. She is almost 92. The TV is…so loud. You wouldn’t think a TV could go this loud. But it can! And it does!

Man would I like to hear the stories that led this business to have a sign outside reading: “New staff. New attitude. Try us again.”

Come on, nobody?! That’s gold, jerks! Gold!

So who was the other half of Melania Trump’s Bania/Costanza-esque mix-up, and what did they wind up discussing instead of cyberbullying?

This does give us all a chance to appreciate that unlike Band-Aid, the earpiece manufacturers understand that “flesh” is not a single color.

Ah, the most exciting play in all of sports: The indeterminate rain delay!

I'm texting with @gruber and cracked that joke. We then both tweeted it. The man's a thief!