Overheard in the ER

Had a 30-something year old patient present because his "balls were sagging more than normal" is.gd/AhM8k5

a very anxious mother brings her son to the ER. Reason? her son is "blinking more than normal". what. the. fuck. is.gd/d0eYEv

A 93 year old drunk woman needed a CT of her head after a fall. After I explained the test to her, she decided that she didn't need it and stripped out of her gown for good is.gd/YqB3If

his 20 yr old kid comes in because he's dropped 2 hits of acid and now he's worried because he's CONFUSED - is this NOT the desired effect when you take ACID?????? I'm sorry is.gd/d4TglA

Last night I triaged a college kid with "a burning penis". I assumed it was going to be just another STD like so many others. Sadly, he used Purell to masturbate with. Rhodes is.gd/3ceNNP

college age kid comes in at 2 am for "sensitive teeth after Zoom-whitening procedure"... is.gd/UuO4zm

Call to home of 37 y/o female with unknown problem. Met at door by pt where she tells us she has a 3 hour history of "dry mouth" and nothing else. During examination we ask, is.gd/J7qL5h

Gentleman comes into ER with 3y/o child w/ c/o fever. i go into the room to do a rectal temp. father pulls down the pull-up and i go to it. the child screams "no, not in the is.gd/FEtCE6

called an emergency service because she had put hair remover on her lip and it was tingling..... is.gd/tYnz5W

As an orderly a nurse calls me and asks that i take a patient who expired down to the morgue. i arrive at the bed and take the patient. In the elevator i start hearing some is.gd/aY9GX4

I brought my friend to the ER because he had a bad allergic reaction to a medicine. We arrive at 10, he gets taken back at about 1. I wait, and finally at 4 am, he walks out in is.gd/CXTKmt

Hiccups. Seriously? You just signed in with hiccups. And couldn't even spell it right. is.gd/icuIbp

While working triage, I had a young guy came in handcuffed by police, pants were shredded from ass to ankle. When asked what brought him in the the ER, he proceeded to tell me is.gd/F0rnIZ

I took a Nurse call today in the ER. Went Something like this: Caller: I had a complete hysterectomy a few years ago, but I want to know if I can still get pregnant in my is.gd/ykwpPN

Had a PT come in with multiple lacs to face and head. Turns out he pulled a bat out on someone checking out his girl. Needless to say they took it away and beat him with it. is.gd/wiBFns

I have a chronic illness and end up in the ER often for acute exacerbation of tachycardia and dehydration. Anyways, I was sitting in the ER and heard a girl in the hall saying is.gd/hk64nU

Had a pt come in through triage last night complaining of weakness due to "not eating for 2 weeks." we offered her a sandwich. Her response was "that's too heavy for my is.gd/kZXEzm

One nurse picked up the chart to call a patient back and instead of calling his name in the waiting room she yelled, "swollen testicle!" He raised his hand. is.gd/iXWPPW

I was at a party with a few friends and one of their cousins. The cousin gets drunk and decides he needs his stomach pumped, so he calls for an ambulance. When EMS arrived, he is.gd/Z9FzMv

i was working triage one night when a guy w/ a business suit and his wife (business as well) walk in and close the door. i ask what is the problem as he doesn't look in is.gd/zXbSPc