Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood) header
Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood) profile picture

Official Tim Wood

@OfficialTimWood

The Number 1 Buyer of Raisins in Dartford 2019 & 2021 The Number 1 Buyer of Rosemary in Dartford 2020

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Joined April 2009
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Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)Photo by Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)
I've started an instagram devoted to the art form that is shit courier photography... @ TheDoorstepGallery on instagram: instagram.com/p/CKYfKEiB4Ee/… Open for submissions - this is my favourite so far:
Image from Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)
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In other news, The Conservatives are excited to announce their new candidates Corinne Stockheath, Micheal Green & Sebastian Fox...
News article saying Kemi Badenoch has prevented Grant Shapps standing as a Conservative candidate at the next election, saying she wanted "new people"

ALT News article saying Kemi Badenoch has prevented Grant Shapps standing as a Conservative candidate at the next election, saying she wanted "new people"

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Replying to @Se_Railway
@Se_Railway @TfL Tried to change from SE Ldn bound to DLR at Woolwich Arsenal earlier - lift closed & sign just says "Use lift at Green End entrance" - no clues as to where that is, no signage to point the way, no map, no staff, doesn't even show on Google maps - Total nightmare
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Took 20 mins to figure out where it was, so probably got charged extra for making 2 separate trips - had to ask passers by if they'd heard of it before finding a different station entrance with one staff member who said it's opposite natwest - complete joke of accessibility!
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Bloody hell and they think the Dartford Crossing toll is high - the local Facebook groups would have a field day...
News Iran is charging a £1.5m toll for every ship that goes through the Strait of Hormuz

ALT News Iran is charging a £1.5m toll for every ship that goes through the Strait of Hormuz

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Fella off the pet shop boys looking like @bushontheradio in his big coat on #TOTP 1986
Pet shop boys on TOTP 1986

ALT Pet shop boys on TOTP 1986

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What a find in @sainsburys this morning - a great price for a whole Jamie Oliver. Should feed most of the family for Christmas I reckon
A freezer in Sainsbury's with the words jamie oliver branded over and around it. But in the freezer has been photoshopped Jamie Oliver himself frozen in a block of ice

ALT A freezer in Sainsbury's with the words jamie oliver branded over and around it. But in the freezer has been photoshopped Jamie Oliver himself frozen in a block of ice

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I see the company that bought "TG Jones" and Hobby Craft have now bought Claire's Accessories... We're one step closer to the dream of a one stop shop where you can get your ears pierced whilst eating overpriced out of date chocolate and painting a giant cardboard giraffe!
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.@StagecoachSE if you're missing a bus seat, there appears to be one halfway up East Hill in Dartford... #lostproperty
What appears to be a bus seat at the side of a main road

ALT What appears to be a bus seat at the side of a main road

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If anyone lost a clearly much loved soft toy elephant on a Thameslink at St Pancras @StPancrasInt this morning (Sat 2nd August) at about 10:43 we handed it into the @TLRailUK gateline man upstairs - hoping it finds its owner!
A bedraggled much loved rainbow elephant toy

ALT A bedraggled much loved rainbow elephant toy

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I have never heard those two be described as 'credible sources' before...
Grok Ai reply "credible sources like DailyMail and Ladbible confirm this"

ALT Grok Ai reply "credible sources like DailyMail and Ladbible confirm this"

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Don't forget if the smoke is white, they've elected a new Pope. If it's pink and smells of strawberry, they've turned the Vatican into a Vape Shop
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And remember children, if the smoke is white, they've elected a new Pope. If the smoke is black he's ripped up the woke leftie eco agenda and gone back to burning tyres to power the Vatican
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...and instead wins 2nd prize in a beauty contest
Headline: Prolific board games shoplifter avoids jail

ALT Headline: Prolific board games shoplifter avoids jail

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Replying to @coopuk
@coopuk can i just say this chocolate is absolute crap - it comes broken to bits, loose in the cardboard box, no foil to keep it fresh so it tastes like cardboard. A poor imitation of Tony's and a nerve to charge £2.50 for it frankly. If they'd given me a receipt I'd take it back
Image from Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)
Image from Official Tim Wood (@OfficialTimWood)
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It also has the nerve to say on the back 'once opened keep in an airtight container for freshness ' which hardly seems to matter when it's been sat loose in a non-airtight cardboard box on a shelf for several months first...
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So James Cleverly is out of the Tory leadership contest because Grant Shapps miscounted the number of tactical votes he was getting... I can only presume Shapps accidentally included all of his alter-egos as separate voters and was surprised Michael Green didn't get a ballot
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"I'm warning you with peace & love that any parking tickets after this date will be TOSSED!" @GeoffLloyd
Area Man (@Alasdair_CM) profile pictureArea Man@Alasdair_CM6 Oct 2024
Image from Area Man (@Alasdair_CM)
Image from Area Man (@Alasdair_CM)
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Replying to @nationalrailenq
@nationalrailenq your new app is awful - you can't look at anything that's departed anymore, so if i run for a train and jump on it just before it leaves i can no longer use the app to find out when it will arrive to tell my wife when I'll be home - once the trains left thats it!
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I can look at arrivals of my destination station, but then i have to guess which one it was I got on as you can't see what time it departed without clicking on each one! It's also now impossible to use for checking if eligible for delay repay...
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Alexa, show me where Prince Andrew will end up living when he finally gets kicked out of Royal Lodge...
Count Mysterioso🎗️ (@MysteriosoX) profile pictureCount Mysterioso🎗️@MysteriosoX23 Aug 2024
Good lord. rightmove.co.uk/properties/1…
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He gets knocked down, but he gets up again...
Olympic shotputter Chukwuebuka Enekwechi

ALT Olympic shotputter Chukwuebuka Enekwechi

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Seems like this cartoon I drew of Russell Brand nearly 10 years ago is still relevant by the looks of things...
Russell Brand and his thesaurus collection - a cartoon of Brand in front of a shelf full of dozens of thesauruses

ALT Russell Brand and his thesaurus collection - a cartoon of Brand in front of a shelf full of dozens of thesauruses

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Reports of people waiting on hold for over an hour for a GP appointment due to this crowdstrike global IT outage... Oh wait no sorry that was before the IT outage
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