John Constantine

“Here’s the part where I tell you to go fuck yourself...Politely.” New John Constantine. You know what to sodding expect. #rt?

“Monday, always fucking Monday.”

Always the fucking way, wasn’t it? Here was John, thinking he’d exorcised the demon and earned a well deserved G&T when the fucker jumped to another body. “Oh bollocks.”

“Fuck it, give me something to do.”

“Right, time to drag my arse into gear.”

“Don’t forget Easter lunch too.”

“Right then what the fuck have I missed?”

“Hello hello.”

“Going to spend this weekend at the bottom of a bottle.”

“Thank fuck it’s Friday.”

“You’re not wrong there, luv.”

“The universe fucking you too? Must have it in for Constantines today.”

“Well this has been a fucking marvellous start to the day.”

“I’m fucking melting. Only option is to cool down with buckets of gin.”

“It’s too fucking hot. Jesus H Christ.”

“The fuck is going on here?”

“Too fucking early and not a single bloody pub’s open.”

“Fucking Monday again. Marvellous.”

“Fuck me.”

Booze, booze. My kingdom for some fucking booze.

“Pretty fucking accurate.”