Oblishblot

God: I will invent a ball of meat that shows movies to itself. It will be stored in skeletons. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

How does one hire a henchman? Do you put an ad on LinkedIn? Do you ask for a cover letter?

"ah," I say as I look at my journal from February 2020: "It is February 2020. My anxiety is at an all-time low and I feel the world is getting better finally."

Why is corn the only food you can pop? I want to prepare more of my meals by popping them.

According to Einstein, bullshit can be transformed from one form to another, but can be neither created nor destroyed.

plants: you didn't water me enough. *dies* also plants: you watered me too much. *dies*

Important scientific discovery: our cats will spin around counter-clockwise, but refuse to spin clockwise. #thingsYouLearnInQuarantineWithYourCats

When I look out of my window, it is snowing outside. But when I look at the internet, it says it is not. WHICH ONE AM I SUPPOSE TO BELIEVE?

One silver lining to all this is that we've had much more quality time with our cats than we ever thought a sane person should have.

Hoping for herd immunity against stupidity when this is all over #coronavirus

Sealing my head permanently inside a cardboard box to keep all the stupid rantings of republicans out. Viruses too. #QuarantineLife

Need to pass the time while in #quarantine? Prepare to bake something by tearing apart your whole kitchen for 4 hours searching for a rolling pin you swear you have. Then watch tv when you get bored.

At last, the 10,963rd time Trump has demonstrated that he's a total idiot. At long last his followers will see the error in his ways. #TidePodPresident #MAGA

My pants have socially distanced themselves from me.

Time to go see what's happening on Twitter for the 23,547th time today #QuarantineQuotes

Getting people to socially distance more from me outside by never showering, and wearing a facemask with a big blood stain in the middle.

According to geologists, Stupid Mountain is in fact the tallest mountain on earth, and the stupidest mountain in the solar system. It's formed from a tectonic uprising of people and bullshit. (true fact)

Let's go and see what rolled off Stupid Mountain today...

According to the laws of physics all things in the universe eventually evolve into a clusterfuck.

Making today new and exciting by staring at a different previously unstared-at wall in my livingroom. What could be on that wall? Is somebody inside it? Nobody knows.