Trying to make sense of reality.

Joined April 2012
"Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the Government's purposes are beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding." - Louis Brandeis
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I think fundamentally the biggest problem with modern dating is women's attitude. The dating conditions have changed radically. Through dating apps and social media women are seeing more and more options which leads them to screen them on a more and more superficial basis. Additionally, feminism and the decline of religion have further devalued the family and healthy long-term relationships while promoting short-term pleasure. Society has crafted women to be more superficial and more apathetic toward healthy long-term relationships, and then all we ask ourselves is "why are there no good men". Every dating advice follows the same blueprint: Women are unhappy, here's what men need to do. It's never women who need to do anything, it's all men's fault/responsibility. And that premise is so deeply embedded in our subconscious that it is shared by feminists, the manosphere, and Christian conservatives alike. The proposed solution is never for women to become self aware and realize their toxic behavior, instead we tell men that it is their responsibility to just accept the toxic behavior and work around it. So now we have a situation where women become increasingly toxic while being completely unaware of it because they aren't called out on it. Then they become even more entitled because we keep telling them from all sides that men are to blame for everything. They don't ask themselves what they even bring to the table, while the list of demands for men is only growing. That creates this unhealthy dynamic where women are treated like a spoiled brat who never gets told no and therefore turns into a miserable narcissist, always blaming everyone else and never satisfied no matter how much you give in to their demands. The problem isn't that there aren't any good men, but that women are becoming more and more unavailable for them. They screen out the good men, end up either alone or in shallow situationships, and then they complain that there aren't any good men out there. And what's the advice our society has to offer to these women? Men need to buy them more flowers.
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Women demand respect from men but they don't even respect themselves. They don't view themselves as independently acting agents, instead they define their existence purely in relation to men. They don't ask themselves "what should the woman do?", because women can't act, they can only react. Instead they immediately ask "what should the man do?", even when it doesn't make any sense at all in the context. This particular hypothetical clearly isn't about what the man should do, it's not about whether he should rape the woman or not. Instead, the question is how the woman should behave in that situation. Obviously she doesn't "owe" sex in the sense of her being a sex slave. Obviously she has the choice to refuse, but should she refuse? Or should she view sex as something that she "owes" her husband even when she's not quite in the mood? If she notices her behavior negatively effects her husband, should she rethink her attitude? What should she do to improve the situation? But according to women, she can't do anything because she's not an independent actor. Things just happen to her and then she reacts, but she has no agency to make any changes herself. If her behavior destroys the psyche of her husband, so be it, there's nothing she can do about it. Maybe women's fear of accountability stems from their inability to view themselves as independent actors, or maybe it's the other way around.
A woman’s body isn’t something men are entitled to. If you believe women owe you sex, you’re part of the problem that normalises rape culture. It really is that simple
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We can assume for the sake of argument that this is true, but the problem is that this should be the start of the conversation, not the end of it. If today's generation of men is less attractive to women, then we have to ask ourselves a few simple questions: Is that even a plausible assumption that today's generation of men is so significantly worse than all the previous generations? In what way are they worse? Why did they get worse? What about society changed to prompt such a development? We can entertain this idea that men are worse today, but then we actually need to care to investigate the root cause and how to reverse the trend. But nobody cares. Instead, blaming men is the end of the conversation. It's just an excuse to absolve women of all accountability. The goal is not to solve a problem, the goal is just blaming men. The original argument of this discussion was that the dating crisis could be fixed if men made simple changes to their dating etiquette. And women clapped that this is exactly what's wrong with modern dating. However the premise of this argument assumes that men today are still good enough for women, they just need to learn proper behavior on a date. But after a little pushback, the argument switched to the assertion that guys aren't meeting women's standards. And so the argument changes from men being good enough but lacking etiquette to men not being good enough (thereby unintentionally undermining the original advice). The arguments and explanations change fluidly, but the conclusion is always the same: it's men's fault.
What if it’s not hypergamy? What if there’s a minimum level of achievement a man must cross and more and more men aren’t crossing it, creating the appearance of hypergamy?
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It's fascinating how women are always described as helpless incompetent children with zero agency who are totally dependent on men to show up and solve their problems. Of course women like to be chased. It makes sense that men do most of the chasing. But times have changed. Feminism and social media have drastically changed the parameters around male chasing behavior and this is the result. If women want something, they have to adapt to these new conditions and at least sometimes text first. You are an adult, you can do it.
I’m noticing a phenomenon among my hottest friends: No one asks them out They don’t use dating apps, they just live life and still nothing Men need to start approaching again No, she’s not gonna text you first. pick up the phone and send a message or better yet call. Women like men who are confident. Worst case she doesn’t reply/doesn’t pick up. Shoot your shot kings.
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And this is exactly why the original advice was such garbage. The suggestion was that dating could be fixed if men started showering and bringing flowers. Now after a little pushback women are proudly proclaiming that they are unwilling to "settle" for a perfectly fine guy -- even if he implements all of this advice -- if he doesn't meet their superficial criteria. Was that the real reason for women not finding boyfriends all along? For the sake of argument we can even assume that your standards are justified and reasonable, but nevertheless they seem out of sync with reality. And instead of being honest about that, we tell men lies about bringing flowers. If you think there are too few hot men, be honest about that and tell men to go to the gym. If you think there are too few successful men, be honest about that and abandon the feminist project of forced economic equality. If you think men's superficial profile on average is fine, be honest about that and admit that women's standards are inappropriate. The original advice suggested that the problem with men and women not finding each other was men's dating etiquette, which is obviously ridiculous. If that were true, that would mean that women, who are so desperate for love, are rejecting perfectly good husband-material men, just because they didn't bring flowers or didn't ask enough questions on the first date. The actual problem is obviously something else, and we need to start being honest about what that is.
The boys are BIG mad at this one so let me break it down… The original post called out two things: height and income. There are OF COURSE other factors that go into choosing a partner. Personality, values, emotional intelligence, ambition, compatibility, the list goes on. But since we’re focusing on those two factors, let’s flip the roles. If I were a successful man making six figures, would anyone bat an eye if I wanted a woman who was attractive, successful in her own right, or brought something to the table that complemented the life I’ve built? Probably not. So why is it controversial when a woman wants a partner who matches the level she’s worked to achieve? I’m 5’10” and make six figures. I’m not asking for something I don’t bring to the table in my own way. Does that mean a man has to make more than me? No. Does that mean someone under 6 feet is automatically disqualified? Also no. But having preferences and refusing to settle are not the same thing as thinking you’re better than someone else. A man isn’t less valuable because he doesn’t meet my preferences, and I’m not less deserving of mine because they hurt someone’s feelings. The funniest part is that nowhere did I say I wanted a doormat. Y’all added that part yourselves.
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But they are different. Obviously women are still women fundamentally, but the culture and incentives that shape their behavior has changed. I'm 38 and been doing this work for nearly 12 years now. I've seen the transformation first hand. When I was single I didn't have to deal with Woke. That and the mass adoption of online apps changed dating palpably. Flaking and "rug pulls" became much more common. I found a major part of my job became helping guys navigate and vet the mental health of women they were seeing. This was not present in a meaningful way when I was dating earlier, and I had to adjust to the new environment my first few years coaching. But COVID really changed everything. The principles of attraction of course remain the same, but trust has COLLAPSED; there is a transactionality and lack of humanization that simply was not there before. You need at least 3x the resilience to press on through the bad interactions that are no longer the exception but the norm. You get auto-disqualified for things that used to be insignificant because people gave you a chance on who you were as a whole. Now these flaws get all the attention because the gatekeeping of attention and status is sharp: you have to check a series of boxes, many of which (seemingly by design) are mutually exclusive. So I think guys who are over 35 and married need to have a little humility, and understand, like the boomers we lambast about all sorts of things, you really may not "get it." Candidly it would be hard for me to believe some of the things I hear if I weren't on some level living vicariously through my clients, getting real world feedback to cross check what I see on here. I am only in the know because I choose to be. The change is more substantial than the sexual revolution in practical terms, because unlike then there is no healthy culture anymore to fall back to. It's not a phase or a scene; the rot is everywhere, including in trad communities, albeit subliminally (which in some ways is worse, because it's harder to directly address). There is no shame, no standards, no expectations - there's not even real enjoyment - just agendas and power games. And each year more good people get used, rejected, and ruined in the process. The lucky ones only take a few scratches before they find someone and exit, but most others either become ruthless themselves, or get discouraged and drop out entirely. I don't say any of this to blackpill or carry water for doomers, because guys are still finding love and getting married. We are pulling people out of the water every day. But it's silly pretending the ship hasn't sank, just because not everyone is going to drown. And it's also silly to brag about not drowning yourself when you were never in the water. When I started this business over a decade ago people would laugh; the premise of "dating coaching" was so outlandish. I was catering to a niche. People assumed (they were wrong) that all my clients were people without social skills. How could attracting someone be so hard? But no one single under 40 seems surprised when I talk about my business now. They just immediately start to complain about what it's like out there. That alone tells you all you need to know about how much has changed.
Us 40yr old guys keep giving younger guys advice because we’re tired of hearing endless bullshit excuses about how “wOmEn ArE diFFerENt nOW” The only thing that’s changed is you spent your youth binging porn and video games instead of developing basic social skills
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This is actually a really good and under-appreciated point. The assumption is always that single guys don't know what they are talking about because if they did, they wouldn't be single. But that is a simplistic excuse. Single guys are more incentivized than anyone else to find out and be honest about what's actually true. Single women are not incentivized to find out what's true because they are not expected to fix the mess. They are just expected to lay back, be told that they are awesome, and vent their frustration by reflexively blaming men because single men are obviously dirty lazy losers who can't even take showers. Married men are clearly not incentivized to find the truth because they don't need to find a woman. And they have on average a skewed perception because either they met their wives at a time when dating wasn't such a mess, and/or they got lucky and met a girl who was already into them, therefore they assume it must be that easy for everyone. If it's not that easy for you, it must be because you are a dirty lazy loser who can't even take showers. Single men certainly do also have a strong tendency to just reflexively blame the other sex, pointing fingers is always easier, but at the end of the day they need to fix the mess and can't afford to lie to themselves. If you were trying to tell yourself a comfortable lie, what would be more comfortable than telling yourself it's actually really simple to find a wife! All you need to do is shower, ask for her number, bring her flowers, and boom, you're married! How awesome would it be if it was actually that easy! This is so offensive to single men because they know from experience that it's not that simple, and they are tired of being told that it is. Because at some point this advice is nothing but an insult: You are a dirty lazy loser who can't even take showers.
Girls are imagining that the guy they're already attracted to and like is doing it Married guys want to larp like they didn't either get lucky or give a whore their balls Single guys are the ones maximally incentivized to see reality and not lie
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Leaving aside the stupidity of the argument and the fact that Elon is in favor of UBI... turning 38 billion into 1 trillion is still pretty impressive! If the average welfare recipient was that good with money, the case for welfare would be much stronger.
Every time Musk pretends to be a self-made billionaire, remember. He‘d be worth $0 without $38 billion in corporate welfare. In 19 out of 20 years, Tesla paid $0 in federal income taxes by shifting $18 billion in profits offshore. Elon loves socialism for himself, not for you.
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This worldview is so insane. "We need as many migrants as possible otherwise the country will collapse because the native population can't get anything done on their own" Immigration restrictionists think the country would be fine without (mass) immigration because they don't have such an irrational hatred for the native population. The country is not going to implode, life expectancy is not going to collapse, people's quality of life is not going to plummet, just because there is a slightly lower GDP. Switzerland has a GDP per capita 3x as high as Japan, yet the life expectancy in both countries is about the same. There is more to quality of life than just GDP. Restrictionists don't argue that they are willing to tank the economy and make everyone miserable just so that they don't have to see someone eating a curry. The argument is that the upside of mass immigration is in the best case maybe a slightly higher GDP, but that is massively outweighed by the risk of things that could go wrong and make society and everyone's quality of life substantially worse than the effects of a slightly lower GDP. There is this dogma that people are incapable of questioning that says immigration has absolutely no downsides *at all*. Zero. None. Not even hypothetically. Opposition to immigration can't be based on a different evaluation of the up- and downsides, no, because there are no downsides. There cannot possibly be any downsides. It is so deeply obvious that there are no downsides that there cannot even conceivably exist a person who believes there might be downsides. And since nobody believes that there are downsides, all opposition to immigration must be motivated by some kind of irrational "preference". That is clearly the only rational explanation.
Immigration restrictionists are always reminding you that they're not bad people. They just prefer "homogeneity" or some other euphemism. But the question for morality isn't preferences, it's what you want to do about them. If I don't like tattoos, fine. If I call for us to sacrifice the future of the American economy and the nation's health and well being on a crusade to eliminate them, I would be a bad person. Wanting to destroy the future of your country and lower your kids' life expectancy because you don't like how people look or the foods they eat cannot be justified by any rational standard. But that's the anti-immigration position. And they often admit this, talking about "lowering GDP", as if that doesn't translate into Americans being worse off. So yes, if your dislike of other races and cultures takes you to that point, this is a deep character flaw. richardhanania.com/p/are-imm…
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Future message to my kids: Me and your Mom are in fact free childcare for our grandkids. Good grandparents show up for their kids and grandkids. It’s a blessing, not a burden. It’s our job to show up and make life easier. Go on that date with your spouse. Go get that hour to yourself. Go get those errands run. Go take that nap you need. We got you. We didn’t have that help but you will. Always and forever, because that’s how it should be.
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What annoys me about liberals isn't even the ad-hominem screeching in and of itself, it's how intellectually lazy and incurious they are. We could have really interesting back and forth philosophical conversations about deep topics regarding human nature and culture. But instead of exploring those topics the conversation always just gets flattened to childish insult hurling. It's so boring. But of course they need to do it that way, because under scrutiny their worldview would collapse, so they have to keep the conversation on the childish insult level.
Importing of South Korean style Hagwon culture would be just as terrible because it requires the same high degree of optimization for academic and career attainment that crowds out everything else. Reducing that claim to "he thinks foreigners are bad cause they are brown" is a way of trying to win the argument without engaging the substance.
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My caucasian mother spent 20 years in China She has never once claimed to be Chinese, much less had the audacity to argue wth Chinese people about how she needs to be included in their identity The absolute entitlement of some of these migrants
Tonight on Question Time, I debated Suella Braverman on what it means to be English. I think there’s one word for her position
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Nynemi retweeted
So it turns out those old fashioned often religious based morals we had as a load bearing beam for society around men and women and sex might have been there for a reason.
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This man has almost singlehandedly brought El Salvador forward by at least a century, and he did it without LARPing as a Western liberal. He’s doing almost everything we wish to see transpire in the West, and he started from a substantially worse position than any Western nation. The aesthetics, the national mythos, the nod to history and tradition, the beautiful architecture, the brutalizing of criminals, and the orientation of a nation and people back towards that which rests above and beyond man. All of it is what the present hour calls for.
Hemos trasladado los restos de Francisco Morazán a un nuevo mausoleo, construido especialmente para custodiarlos por siempre. El mausoleo se encuentra a un costado del Palacio Nacional, dentro del nuevo Jardín Centroamérica. Estará abierto al público a partir de mañana, jueves 24 de septiembre, a las 7pm. La entrada será gratuita.
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The big problem with this topic is the fact that even though it is intuitively *extremely* obvious to everybody why ancestry/rootedness is very important for civilization, we've been trained to react allergically to that topic and need to pretend that we don't have that intuition. And we sadly get away with that, because despite it's intuitive obviousness it is very hard to put the idea into easily digestible arguments. It's fuzzy and hard to grasp with language, therefore the midwit rational mind can weasel it's way out of taking the idea seriously by dismissing it as abstract, intangible fluff. If you cannot put it neatly into a number on a chart, it's not real. When topics such as the great replacement theory or the islamization of Europe are brought up, the pro-immigration people first and foremost counter those claims with "that's not happening, you're just fearmongering". Which is an interesting response, because it accepts the premise that it would be bad if those things were happening. But according to their worldview it wouldn't be. In fact, you are actively racist if you think those things are bad. But this is their first response because they too intuitively understand that it's bad. They just refuse to admit it because they are either too intellectually dishonest, too intellectually disabled, or some combination of both.
Thanks for making the real root of our disagreement so much clearer. You've now demonstrated that you aren't responding to what I actually say at all. It obviously doesn't matter to you what words I type onto the page, how well I state a position, how patiently I clarify a point, nothing. So we've moved from appearance to aesthetics to feelings to assigning hidden motives that you've invented on my behalf. Anything to avoid the real argument, eh, Diane? Of course, when you make up stories about other people in your imagination, that does rather make a conversation impossible because any explanation I give you will simply be reclassified as "fluff" in your mind. You've already decided beforehand what I "secretly mean". You've got a narrative in your head about me and so of course you must explain away any evidence to the contrary, no matter how ridiculous. Do you even care about what's true? Again, you're free to disagree with the proposition that ancestry and historical continuity matter. But you don't get to substitute imaginary motives for my actual position and call that a rebuttal. Come back some day when you are ready to play in a professional league. For now, stick with amateur hour.
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If you really think about it, and I say this very seriously: a society full of unmarried childless women over the age of 30 isn't just a fertility crisis - it is sort of akin to a very large cabal of witches that creates very hostile spiritual conditions for families, because essentially, you have a large group of frustrated, bitter women who will collectivise and engage in increasingly destructive behaviour at the systemic, institutional level, and employ whatever positions they have to impose their personal brand of spite. And when women like this because more than half of all women - when they "become the norm" they will take that *majority status* as legitimisation of their dysfunction, and pressure, propagandise and attempt to manipulate good women into copying them, so they can ruin their lives too. A society full of witches, and by witches I mean corrupt, negative older women who have twisted incentives for sabotaging other women whilst posing as the nice old lady is a very bad thing, and I don't think we've seen anything like it before. Historically, such women would be a tiny, likely sub 5% percentage of the population, if even that. Makes sense, because it is wildly inefficient and unsustainable for a society to underutilise its womb capacity to that degree, but now such women are expected to be as much as, or just over half of all women. Yes, the immediate fertility crisis is not good, but it is ultimately recoverable as the defective or otherwise uncooperative women are selected out of the gene pool, and women with more amenable genes to coupling reproduce in their stead - but the decades upon decades of rhetoric we will have to "look forward to" from the half of the mostly godless female population who are fundamentally dysregulated, ungrounded, petty and resentful "chiming in" and attempting to sabotage everything around them with their endless coping narrative propaganda is not the wholesome spiritual atmosphere families will want to raise their kids around. I don't think a society has ever before seen such a large group of aged out, unsalvageable and frustrated unmarriageable women before, and I don't think we as a society have even remotely begun to plot the order effects of such, or construct a strategy to deal with it. Men deciding not to date and avoiding women personally solves it for them, but it does not stop random mental women planting rotten seeds in your daughters head, as if her so-called "friends" weren't bad enough, because women often assume advice coming from older women is more neutral/less competitive/more informed, and in prior times when those women themselves were naturally married off mothers, this was directionally correct, but it will increasingly cease to be. Yes, the delusional single 35 year old single woman really will try to sabotage the 20 year old woman with her "advice" if they both covet the same man. What a time to be alive!
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If leftist women were in Middle-Earth.
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If you’ve been following the discussions on my page recently about my objections to mass immigration on the grounds of ancestral continuity, and you’ve genuinely wanted to understand the worldview those objections arise from, then I should point you toward one of my older films: "The Life and Death of Civilisations." Now, this isn’t a film about immigration as such. It's a film about what a civilisation is, what allows a civilisation to remain itself across generations, and what happens when the forces that once gave it form disappear. Much of the confusion in the conversations I’ve been having with @RealDianeYap and others comes from the assumption that a nation is essentially a territory, a set of institutions, and a population of interchangeable individuals who fill those instutitions. Under that model, provided everyone obeys the same laws, speaks the same language, eats the same food, and participates in the same economy, nothing fundamental has changed, right? Maybe not. The worldview explored in this film begins from an entirely different premise. If you decide to watch it, all I ask is that you leave your modern worldview at the door for an hour. I promise you can have it back after, if you still want it. Drawing from Julius Evola's works, the film discusses the traditional conception of civilisation as a living, intergenerational form-- something transmitted through ancestry, memory, rite, culture, inherited disposition, spiritual orientation, and a continuous relationship between the living and the generations that preceded them. This is why reducing my position to a crude biological racialism completely misses what I mean. The film explicitly discusses Evola’s rejection of a purely biological conception of race. Blood matters, certainly, but not because civilisation can be reduced to genetics. Rather, lineage is one of the vessels through which an inherited form can be transmitted. Evola speaks of an “inner race” or “race of the spirit”, that is, a formative principle which is expressed through a people but cannot itself be reduced to material biology. That distinction is absolutely essential and it is the distinction that every person who misunderstood me failed to make. Traditional peoplehood is neither just a collection of genes nor a collection of cultural habits. It is a continuity of form. The film also addresses something else relevant to the immigration discussion: assimilation. Many people asked "but what about edge cases?" or "what about just a few immigrants?" And the film answers those questions, too. A strong civilisation, according to the framework I examine, is capable of absorbing foreign elements and gradually shaping them according to its own type. Ethnic mixture does not automatically destroy a civilisation or people. A sufficiently powerful civilisational form could incorporate newcomers into itself and can even, under certain circumstances, generate a new and vital unity. But this requires the civilisation itself to still possess enough inner strength to shape and give form to what enters it. Once that formative centre has decayed, the situation changes. The institutions, customs, language, laws, and outward rituals often linger on superficially while their inner meaning has disappeared. At that stage, the civilisation increasingly becomes a hollow shell, and this is where biological and ancestral continuity start to take on greater importance. Why? Because the inherited population may still carry, atavistically within their genes, echoes of forms that the conscious culture has already forgotten. Maintaining the founding genetic stock then becomes the only remaining hope for revitalisation. But even then, purity of blood alone cannot save a civilisation. Evola is quite explicit about that, and I am in agreement. Without an inner spiritual regeneration, biological continuity can, at most, delay dissolution. Sometimes that delay buys enough time for a renewal to occur, sometimes it just results in a slower death. That's why my concern can't be answered by asking whether an immigrant likes hamburgers, watches football, speaks perfect English, earns a good salary, or otherwise behaves indistinguishably from the people already living there. Those things concern outward behaviour, but I'm talking about continuity of being. I'm talking about whether a civilisation remains connected to the generations that produced it, whether something real is transmitted from ancestors to descendants, whether a people can continue to recognise itself through time, and whether the living understand themselves as temporary custodians of something they inherited rather than merely atomised tax-cattle occupying a geographic space. And this is also why asking me, “But what materially changes in your daily life?” fundamentally misses the level at which I am speaking. A civilisation can become wealthier, safer, more efficient, more technologically advanced, and more materially more comfortable while simultaneously losing the very thing that made it that civilisation and not some other. The entire film is centred around this distinction between outward form and inner continuity, and that is the very question I have been raising in these discussions on X. It asks, what remains when the rites survive but their meaning is forgotten, when the buildings remain but the civilisation that built them is dead, when institutions persist after the spiritual and historical forces that animated them have disappeared, when an organic people gradually gives way to a mechanised mass of interchangeable individuals? You don'yt have to agree with any of this. But if you are sincerely trying to understand what I mean when I speak about ancestry, rootedness, historical continuity, deracination, and the loss of homeland, this film will give you a far better idea of the philosophical ground beneath those words than I can possibly convey in a handful of posts on X. See the follow up comment for the link to the film.
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No one demands you to give an answer as to who an Indian is. No one is ever confused as to who an Israeli or Turk or Japanese or Korean is. And yet every time someone tries to assert an American identity that’s worthy of being protected politically, suddenly we all act as if no one has any idea what an American is. It’s as if these people demand you define what a chair is and then when you give an answer, they’ll tear it to pieces and then claim chairs don’t exist even as they’re sitting in one. It’s all so incredibly disingenuous. We aren’t playing this game any longer. “American” is not a synonym for abstract universal man who also happens to believe non vague notions of freedom. Everyone knows what an American is, including those who pretend not to know, which is why they constantly attack the concept in the first place because they are fundamentally opposed to the idea that there could ever be an inherited identity that anyone ever organizes themselves around politically.
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