@StaplesStore hello I am James Smith I like your chairs I sit on them.

The human brain does not fully reach its adult-like mature state until approximately age 32 so that means if you fuck a 33-year-old, you have a granny fetish.

Horse peed into the kitten’s favorite bucket so they had to castrate the horse.

Naming my dog a Chinese name so Xi Jinping could bless me with the most ideal credit score.

Build new commie blocks with diamonds and make Russia pay for it all.

Witch’s cum is so powerful it can turn any redneck into a rat.

Last time I went to Urine Herman’s cabin, the toilet called me a geek. Never again.

My collar is blue but my dick is red, but also my balls are blue.

Destroying a socialist in a debate by ripping out my appendix and eating it while staring him directly in the eyes.

I can’t wait to go to Albania to see the tourist attraction of a tilted light pole.

A sociopath is basically just an edgy savage who doesn’t give a fart about your snowflake feelings.

Left anti-communist surprised when he finds out he would rather be in a room with 10 communists rather than a room with 1 protectionist.

I saw my taxes for the first time after graduating college and immediately started supporting the Land Value Tax.

Horse meth has been used by multiple island communities to defeat sadness, use horse meth to defeat sad feelings.

Lady who iced out her labia with diamonds.

Stealing Benadryl from a gas station shouldn’t be illegal. Like, what's next, stealing entire bridges will be illegal?

The double standard of me not being able to wear whatever I want out in public and the pilgrims being allowed to dress fucking stupid.

Don’t call me broke again, these Arabian goggles are $2,000.

SNL sketch of the actors reading scripts and then getting ripped limb to limb by a prison gang of violent counterfeiters.