Don't get distracted everyone. Remember what's important right now. @kennyloggins still has not admitted to singing the Gummi Bears theme.

Bros on twitter be like “This is all Charlemagne’s fault!” right now.

Here’s some joy in the world. Life’s too short not to enjoy it this much.

This is just to throw out into the universe how wild it is that the latest season of @PhilRosenthal Somebody Feed Fill went to not one, but two restaurants i renovated in Maine!

When the next Rage album comes out, people will reevaluate.

Not a fan that my vibe appears to be “Attempting gout”

i find it funny when they use lightsabers as flash lights. That is all.

If this fucking “Love is Blind” show doesn’t turn into a Squid Game then i just don’t understand TV anymore.

Happy New Year!!!

i will actively be avoiding that “Screen Time” notification this coming Sunday. Believe me, phone. i already know.

“You into crypto?” “Oh, no sir! i already got burned by Beanie Babies in the 90s, and i won’t fall for that again!”

Prince would write a song called called, like, “Eating Your Pussy in the Rain” and then in the breakdown say something like, “And then when Jesus prayed to our heavenly father in the garden…” and i think i would be a lot less fucked up if that’s the religion i had grown up with.

Is there some union strike for commercial songwriters that scabs are filling in on? Incredibly uncreative - dare i say complete shit? - lyrics in commercials as of late. Like reel bad. Fucking awful. If the bar is this low…please someone hire me. i can rhyme banana with montana

Are there people being born without hair in their ass-crack? It seems, evolution-wise, we don’t need that anymore and it might be getting phased out. And i’m assuming those people would find each other and make some hairless ass-crack babies. i need coffee.

Iger to Chapek…

Is the Dune movie horny? Asking for me so let me know or get the fuck out.