I want pizza so badly right now

You damn kids with your pac-man video games

youtube.com/watch?v=NBfi8OEz… I still have a phobia of house hippos

I swear I'm picking up like 4 bot followers a day

Apparently a motivational speaker follows me, your following the wrong person dude

It's 2:30pm and I just woke up

I'm going to buy a cat so I have a cat to tweet about #howtogetinernetfamous

I told him yes

My friend recently asked me if he would fail a drug test because he was in a car with stoners

Sometimes when I think I've tweeted something stupid and then no one tweets for the next ten minutes I think my stupidity killed twitter

My computer science teacher: "We know old people can't use computers"

Why are my tweets always 141 characters?

Everybody I follow is tweeting about their sleep schedules

It's orange outside and I'm scared

Holy shit I love America

So the Mars penis thing wasn't a joke?