Satire / News

Joined October 2025
Shehbaz Sharif Government Places Hospitals On High Alert As Officials Prepare To Give September 27 Protesters “Warm Welcome”.
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Pakistan Government Raises Petrol Price by Rs 13, Plans Historic Rs 1 Cut in Coming Days to Provide “Great Relief”.
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BREAKING: Maryam Nawaz has solved Pakistan’s terrorism problem by identifying Pakistan’s own provinces as the source of the threat and ruling out India.
ناجائز نظام کی پیداوار فارم 47 کی جعلی وزیر اعلیٰ نے پنجاب کے ساتھ لگنے والے پاکستان کے تینوں دیگر صوبوں کو دہشتگردی کی بنیاد قرار دے دیا ہے اور پاکستان میں ہونے والی دہشتگردی کے حوالے سے مودی اور انڈیا کو کلین چٹ دے دی ہے۔ اس کے بیان نے ریاست پاکستان کے عالمی سطح پر دہشتگردی کے حوالے سے مؤقف کو تباہ کر کے رکھ دیا ہے، اور اس نظام کو بنانے اور چلانے والوں کی سوچ پر بھی مزید سوال کھڑے کر دئیے ہیں !! یاد رہے کہ پاکستان اور بھارت کی جنگ کے دوران بھی نوازشریف سمیت یہ ٹولہ غائب رہا تھا اور جنگ کے خاتمے تک کوئی بیان نہیں آیا۔اور ڈان لیکس کے زریعے بھی دہشتگردی کا الزام پاکستان پر لگا دیا تھا- یہ ہمیشہ قومی مفاد کے آگے ذاتی مفاد کو ترجیح دیتے ہیں - پاکستان، پاکستانی اور پاکستانی ادارے صرف ان کے لئے تبھی قابل احترام رہتے ہیں جب تک یہ ان کی ذاتی مفادات کا تحفظ کرتے ہیں۔ چھوٹے صوبوں کے خلاف تعصب بھرا لہجہ PMLN کے پاکستان کو تقسیم کرنے کی سوچ کی عکاسی کرتا ہے- لیکن اب تین وفاقی اکائیوں کو دہشتگردی کی بنیاد قرار دے دینا ملک کی بنیادوں کو مزید تباہ کرنے کے مترادف ہے- ان لوگوں کو 8 فروری 2024 کو ناصرف پاکستان بلکہ پنجاب اور لاہور کی عوام بھی مسترد کر چکے ہیں۔ اس شرمناک شکست کے باوجود ایسی گھٹیا سوچ کے لوگوں کو اقتدار پر بٹھانے اور انگلی پکڑ کر چلانے والوں کے لیے یہ ایک مزید سبق ہے کہ عوام کے ووٹ اور عوام کے فیصلے کی قدر نہ کر کے ملک مضبوط نہیں تباہ ہو جاتے ہیں۔
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Government of Pakistan is scared to name Imran Khan.
Taking notice of certain misleading stories being pushed through few foreign media outlets with respect to a certain convicted prisoner, it is felt appropriate to bring on record the response already shared in this regard with the concerned outlets publicly; not only for reference and record but more importantly to underscore how fake propaganda is being intentionally pushed under an agenda through these foreign media outlets. The fact based point wise response already shared by Ministry of Information and Broadcasting (EP Wing), is reproduced here. The convicted prisoner is not a person held under executive detention. His imprisonment follows convictions by courts of competent jurisdiction after judicial proceedings and he remains entitled to pursue all remedies available to him under Pakistani law. His imprisonment is governed by the Pakistan Prison Rules, applicable judicial directions and security arrangements appropriate to a high-profile prisoner. The Government of Pakistan categorically rejects allegations that the convicted prisoner is being subjected to punitive solitary confinement, cruelty or deprivation. Visits, telephone calls, reading material and television access are provided in accordance with prison rules, court directions and necessary security arrangements. The convicted prisoner is also permitted home-cooked food, exercise equipment and is provided appropriate dietary facilities. His accommodation includes an exclusive seven-cell compound with sleeping, sanitation and exercise facilities. He receives separately prepared meals, including meat, chicken, fruit, milk, nuts, juices and bottled water. Claims that the convicted prisoner has been completely isolated or denied contact with his family are also not borne out by official prison records. Since his imprisonment, records show approximately 198 interview sessions involving more than 900 visitor entries. These include his sisters, family members, lawyers, doctors, political representatives and other approved visitors. He has also been permitted weekly meetings with his wife, with the latest recorded meeting taking place on 4 August 2026. Prison records further document telephone, landline and WhatsApp communication with family members in Pakistan and abroad, including a recorded telephone conversation with one of his sons on 21 March 2026. More recently, meetings were also recorded with his sisters on 18, 19 and 25 August 2026. The Government also categorically rejects allegations that the convicted prisoner has been denied appropriate medical care or that the authorities failed to comply with the directions of the Honourable Supreme Court concerning his medical examination and treatment. Since his imprisonment, the convicted prisoner has undergone approximately 30 medical examinations by specialist teams and medical boards involving institutions including PIMS, Shifa International, Shaukat Khanum and Al-Shifa Trust Eye Hospital, in addition to regular examinations by the prison doctor. Following the diagnosis of a retinal condition, the convicted prisoner received specialist treatment, including five intravitreal anti-VEGF injections, retinal imaging, medication and subsequent follow-up examinations. Specialist assessments, including those conducted in July 2026 and on 21 August 2026, show that the clinical record repeatedly describes him as oriented, stable and without any recorded acute or unmanaged deterioration. It is also significant that, during her own recent interaction with the media, Dr. Uzma Niazi, sister of the convicted prisoner, stated that he was “100 percent fit,” cited a blood pressure reading of 120/80, and indicated that his eye condition had almost completely healed. She also praised the treating eye specialist for the quality of the treatment provided. Her own account, therefore, does not support allegations of deliberate or systematic medical neglect. The record further establishes that the orders of the Honourable Supreme Court were fully implemented. The convicted prisoner was examined in accordance with the Court’s directions, and the relevant medical and administrative arrangements were made accordingly. His sister was also present during the medical examination. The Ministry of Information and Broadcasting has consistently maintained that health matters should not be politicized. The Government has never adopted a disrespectful attitude towards anyone’s health and has no interest in politicizing the convicted prisoner’s medical condition. The administration acted in accordance with the Honourable Supreme Court’s directions throughout the process. Relevant facts concerning his medical care and the implementation of the Court’s directions have also been placed on record transparently and consistently. Importantly, the Supreme Court had specifically directed that, pending further proceedings, members of the convicted prisoner’s family, his political party and associated lawyers should not disclose or share his health condition or medical reports with the media or the public. The Government therefore considers it important to distinguish between the right of a prisoner to receive appropriate medical treatment, which is fully respected and attempts to use confidential medical information as an instrument of political campaigning or public messaging. The convicted prisoner’s medical treatment has continued as required and his access to specialist care has not been discontinued. A medical matter should therefore be assessed on the basis of the clinical record and applicable judicial directions rather than converted into a political controversy. At the same time, access to a convicted prisoner cannot be used as a platform for unrestricted political communication or political activity from inside prison. Reasonable regulation of visits and communications, consistent with prison rules, court orders and security requirements, should not be mischaracterized as denial of access. Against this background, the Government believes that the issue has been presented in an unnecessarily politicized manner, without adequate regard to the documented record concerning the convicted prisoner’s detention conditions, family access and medical treatment. With regard to suggestions that the convicted prisoner’s sons are unable to travel to Pakistan to visit their father, the Government wishes to place on record that both hold valid National Identity Cards for Overseas Pakistanis (NICOPs). A valid NICOP is a recognised travel document for entry into Pakistan and may be used by them whenever they choose to travel to the country. Their ability to travel to Pakistan should therefore not be conflated with the separate question of prison visitation, which remains subject to applicable prison rules, judicial directions and security procedures. The Government would therefore urge the concerned foreign media outlets to reflect these documented facts in any further reporting on the matter and to distinguish between verified custodial and medical records and politically contested allegations.
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Will Shehbaz Sharif resign over the deaths of 14 innocent infants at PIMS Islamabad?
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Breaking News: Shehbaz Sharif Seizes Every Opportunity to Shine Trump’s Shoes.
Deeply appreciate President Donald Trump’s kind words of support on the signing of the Makkah Joint Defence Agreement. Together with the brotherly Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and the Republic of Turkiye, Pakistan will continue to play a constructive role in ensuring the defence of our own countries as well as the entire region. I would also like to once again commend President Trump for his courageous and decisive leadership, which helped avert a nuclear catastrophe in South Asia and saved millions of lives. Durable peace is the most essential prerequisite for a bright and prosperous future for our peoples. @realDonaldTrump
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BREAKING: PM Shehbaz Sharif Vows to Send “Strongly Worded Tweet” If Saudi Arabia or Türkiye Is Attacked.
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Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and Türkiye sign the Makkah Joint Defence Agreement.
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Government of Pakistan delivers historic relief to the nation with a massive 12 paisa cut in petrol prices.
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Millions Of Pakistanis finally able to afford fuel following massive Rs. 1 reduction. Finance experts warn economy may not survive government’s extremely generous petrol discount.
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Spain wins the world cup!!
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American soldiers are dying in a war Trump chose to start, all to please Netanyahu.
CENTCOM Statement on Recently Fallen, Missing U.S. Service Members TAMPA, Fla. — On July 17, two U.S. service members in Jordan were killed in action as U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) and partner forces defended against Iranian ballistic missile and drone attacks. Additionally, one service member is currently missing. Four American service members were medically evacuated to Jordanian hospitals. They have since been discharged. Other personnel who were evaluated for minor injuries have returned to duty. Out of respect for the families, CENTCOM will withhold additional information, including the identities of the fallen warriors, until 24 hours after the next of kin have been notified.
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War monger Lindsey Graham has died due to a heart attack.
Statement from the Office of U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina).
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Pakistan's national monuments, the Pakistan Monument and Lahore Fort, were illuminated red, white, and blue to celebrate America’s 250 years.
Happy 4th of July! Pakistan's iconic national monuments, the Pakistan Monument and Lahore Fort, were beautifully illuminated in our great red, white, and blue to celebrate America’s 250 incredible years of freedom and our bright future. This tremendous visual tribute joined a spectacular global initiative to honor our historic milestone and highlights nearly 80 years of a strong partnership built on mutual prosperity and regional security. We are moving forward with strength and building a great future together. #Freedom250 #USAinPakistan @WhiteHouse @POTUS @VP @StateDept @State_SCA @USAmbIndia @PressSec @SecRubio @ASDylanJohnson چار جولائی کی خوشیاں مبارک! پاکستان کی قومی یادگار اور لاہور کا تاریخی قلعہ سرخ، سفید اور نیلی روشنیوں سے جگمگا اٹھے، تاکہ امریکہ کی آزادی کے ڈھائی سو یادگار برس منائے جا سکیں اور روشن مستقبل کے عزم کا اظہار ہو۔ یہ دلکش منظر دنیا بھر میں ہونے والی اس خصوصی تقریب کا حصہ تھا، جس کے ذریعے اس تاریخی سنگِ میل کو خراجِ تحسین پیش کیا گیا۔ یہ تقریب ہمارے دونوں ممالک کے درمیان تقریباً اسی برس پر محیط مضبوط شراکت، باہمی خوشحالی، علاقائی استحکام اور مشترکہ مستقبل کے عزم کی خوبصورت عکاسی بھی کرتی ہے۔
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Mamdani went three for three: all of his endorsed candidates won their Democratic primaries in New York.
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Israeli ministers are openly calling for the destruction of Lebanon and the deaths of its people, yet American senators are still lining up to kiss ass.
Israel is going above and beyond to protect the Christian population of Lebanon. I just spoke with senior IDF official, MG Hidai Zilberman, who’s an expert on the issue and confirmed Israel’s tireless work to ensure the safety of the Christian population. However, Hezbollah has done the COMPLETE opposite. They’re putting Christians and Lebanese civilians directly in the line of fire. They’re attacking Israel from WITHIN Christian population centers and storing their terror assets IN Christian schools. Israeli officials are in constant communication with the leaders of Christian communities in south Lebanon and are delivering aid to Christian villages to help prevent their dependence on Hezbollah terrorists. So, anyone who tells you anything other than the truth, doesn’t want Christians to be safe.
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The deal between Iran and the United States is now official.
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The ‘Islamabad Memorandum of Understanding’ has been electronically signed today between the United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran.
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We have to now pray that Israel doesn't ruin this.
Following intensive talks, we are pleased to announce that the Peace Deal between the United States of America and Islamic Republic of Iran has been REACHED. Both sides have declared the immediate and permanent termination of military operations on all fronts, including in Lebanon. The official signing ceremony will be on Friday, 19 June in Switzerland. We would like to thank the United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran for their commitment to finding a diplomatic solution to the conflict. We would also like to extend our sincere appreciation to our brothers in this mediation effort, the great leadership of State of Qatar, for their support in reaching this agreement. I would also especially thank the visionary leadership of Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and Republic of Türkiye for their immense contributions in this regard. With the agreement now in place, mediators will facilitate a series of meetings this week. These pre-implementation discussions will lay the foundation for the technical talks and the official signing ceremony. @realDonaldTrump @JDVance @SecRubio @SteveWitkoff @SEPeaceMissions @drpezeshkian @mb_ghalibaf @araghchi
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A deal between the United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran has been reached.
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