With the news that cocaine was found at Chevening, the inspiration for Truss and Kwarteng’s Mini-Budget makes a lot more sense now.

Jenrick vs Badenoch is like having to choose between Salmonella and Listeria. Both are deeply unpleasant but one is more dangerous if you are pregnant.

Plan B

Fair play to Liz Truss. If you can’t beat the lettuce you can dress like one.

Nigel is thinking of renaming Reform Ltd as the Party of Pointlessly Angry People. After all, he’s not going to be reforming anything any time soon. What do you think?

On the bright side, I’m sure Gareth Southgate would have voted for Brexit.

Nigel says he’s expecting to go to hell and back today. It’s funny, I thought he was going to Clacton.

After last night’s debate, I do feel rather sorry for young Rishi Sunak. I might vote Conservative so they get at least one vote in Brexit-on-Sea. Don’t tell Nigel.

Gosh! Michelle Mone has just sailed into Brexit-on-Sea in her yacht. The funny thing is, as soon as the crew had finished attaching the moorings they jumped off and ran up the beach into the car park where a white van was waiting.

Nigel’s buying a plane! I can’t decide if that’s good news or bad.

Hmm. Nigel seems to have developed some expensive tastes recently.

Must be neutered, muzzled and kept on a lead in public.

In an effort to emulate his ‘friend’ Donald Trump’s status as a convicted felon Nigel is trying to get himself arrested. He has stolen Ann’s smalls (if you can call them that) from her washing line and is currently hitting the fruitie in the Police Horse & Baton with a hammer.

Oh dear, it seems that the Reform Party Ltd was actually my idea. Soz everyone.

Poor Nigel, he’s trying really hard but Donald never replies.

Of course Scotland are going to win against Germany tonight, they are the wurst team in the tournament, Nigel says.

Gosh, Ed Davey has just turned up in Brexit-on-Sea asking if he can be fired out of our cannon. He’s very welcome, but Ann won’t be happy if he lands in her thatch as he’ll make a considerably bigger hole than dear Mark Francois used to do.

My dears, we do still have a few regional franchises available for Reform Ltd. To apply simply pay a registration fee, a deposit and an administration fee and Nigel will definitely consider you for selection. Don’t be shy, he doesn’t mind about the colour of your politics.

Not wild about our new company HQ

I’ve just made Nigel his tea.

Just a thought but if you don’t want your dog breed to be banned perhaps you don’t call it the XL Bully?