Think I'm going to retire from Twitter today. It's important to know when one has peaked.

Traitors could do away with the rubbish slightly It’s A Knockout bit in the middle and I’d be fine with it.

My teenaged daughter thinks that @JamesBlunt and Sandi Toksvig have never been seen in the same room…

Account was hacked, back to centrist dad nonsense shortly.

British politics is frequently maddening and increasingly depressing, but days like today are just absolutely hilarious.

Isn’t it interesting that Farage has chosen not to sue anyone over all these supposed untruths about him?

In a surprise to almost nobody, it turns out that maybe a £5m “gift” from a Thai crypto billionaire might have strings attached after all. theguardian.com/politics/202…

This is tremendous.

In case you were wondering exactly why Trump chose this week to start a war with Iran.

Sub-editing is a dying art

I’ve always loathed anything to do with Eurovision. It’s just shite TV. Wife and kids away tonight, so I’m watching Casino with an excellent Rioja and I couldn’t be happier.

Tried to get tickets for Lorde for my daughter. Was reminded of how utterly broken ticketing is as an industry, and what piratical bastards Ticketmaster are.

It’s been a long afternoon, but Jess and I have really locked in our spec for the @slateauto van. Can’t wait!

What’s the name for the era of parenthood where your teenaged children think they’re old enough to take mixed cocktails to a party, but not so old as to think they don’t need an Easter egg hunt?

I’m in here somewhere. God bless the internet - I’ve just had a McDonalds breakfast delivered to me in the queue.

AI image creation is out of control. It asked if “I should include your recent broken wrist” in the image, based on me mentioning it in a conversational spoken brief back in January.

Hot Cross buns should not be fucked about with. There is no place for toffee, chocolate, coffee, salted caramel or even much additional fruit. I said what I said.

Tracking my daughter’s return home from a half term skiiing trip and giving her “helpful” fun facts about her location. This one is for for you @Tankslider

A plate of spag bol, a glass of of red wine, and a new series of Top Guns: Inside the RAF is a near perfect 9pm on a Tuesday moment.

Perfect, right?