Woke up after nearly a year in hibernation and see that the @Seahawks are still giving their fans heart attacks every single game. Some things never change. Burn you later, meatsacks!
Don’t worry, @Mariners fans. They’ll eventually get there and they’ll win it all. And the celebration will be spectacular.
You’ll all be dead because it’ll be 200 years from now. But I’ll still be here to see it!
Coming out of hibernation just to say: Calm your tits, I’m not going to explode just yet. Mmk, back to bed now.
How about we invest some of the funds towards building a brand new, state-of-the-art catapult that hurls dumbasses who trample on wildflowers and who feed the marmots potato chips. Can also double as a flaming lava ball launcher. ☄️
apnews.com/article/national-…
Rock hard abs
Baby, are you a scientist? Because I’m gonna keep you up all night.
cnn.com/2024/06/23/science/m…
The list should be two items long:
1. Stick your head between you legs
2. Kiss your ass goodbye
Out now! How to Seattle: 99 Things to Do Before the Big One Takes Us All
Because Seattle is doomed. The Pacific Northwest is riddled with fault lines and active volcanos. One day the Cascadia subduction zone will snap.
thestranger.com/how-to-seatt…
Saw it. Don’t care. Also, who are you again? Cute mountain cosplay, BTW. Did your mom help you put it together?
Washington is going to have Dicks and In-N-Out and I can’t stop laughing and I’m 5 years old. 🍔 🍆 📥📤
Good night, Meatbags. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning. ❤️🔥
Valentine credit: @waDNR
If I wanted y’all to feel it, yah woulda FELT IT. Plus a metric butt ton of pyroclastic flow up in your living room.
NEW: Mag:3.1 20.1 km SE from Mt Rainier, WA Depth:5km 2024/02/07 11:11 PST Version:2
More info: pnsn.org/event/61982146
Did You Feel It? report here: earthquake.usgs.gov/earthqua…
Didn’t you drop out of Toutle Lake High School because you couldn’t read or spell? Bandwagon parking is over there, BTW. #BowDown #PurpleReign
Happy New Year. I have a feeling 2024 is going to be the crispiest one yet. Enjoy the fireworks… 😉 🌋















