ALT Two astronauts are in a room with a selection of space suits. Outside the window a space rocket is warming up, clouds of steam rise from its igniting engines. One astronaut, weaing a grey and white suit, tlooks to the suit rack and says "Now I'm thinking maybe the orange looks better after all?" The other astronaut looks out at the rocket and says "You look great. We do really need to get going now."

ALT Image: a huge pile of crumpled gift wrap in the corner of a room. Caption: By concealing herself within a cocoon of discarded wrapping paper and surviving on a diet of surplus festive chocolates and liqueurs, Emily hopes to read undisturbed as far into January as possible.

ALT Image: Five colourful diagrams. 1. Most considered authors: Joyce. Proust. Tolstoy Considered reading (all ticked) Actually read (none ticked) 2. Non-fiction Titles consumed (19 blocks) Information retained (2 of the 19 shaded) 3. Unread book pile A bar chart. Last year (high) This year (higer still) 17% increase 4. Loans Books lent vs books returned. The difference between the two is labelled "friendships under review" 5.Audiobook listening A pie chart with 4 sections Concentrating: 42% Passively absorbing: 26% Completely distracted: 19% Asleep: 13%

ALT A very complex diagram which begins with the question "Do you need a a gift for someone" but, despite many questions and choices, always suggests either giving a book or buying a book for yourself, or gets in a huff and says "I give up!".