Coca-Cola can be used as an effective detergent for the inside of your body. This is what people mean by 'going on a cleanse’.

Keep your heart healthy by falling in love every eighteen months. When a relationship becomes stale, it contributes to heart disease.

Spend a day at the spa. Spend a day at the swimming pool. Spend a day at the butchers. Support your local businesses.

A toffee apple a day keeps toffee makers in pay, as well as apple growers, and the people that make the stick things.

If someone tells you Love is in the Air, be warned they may have just released a spermal mist.

If you are attending an abortion, it is polite to bring a bottle of wine.

Policemen on horses outrank policemen on foot. Policemen on bicycles are of the lowest order, only slightly higher in rank than postmen.

If your children fight, do not interfere. The victors of these matches are the future leaders of the world.

We’re taller than our ancestors because gravity is lighter now. In 200 years time we’ll be as tall as houses & take 15 minutes to lie down.

Before the invention of chairs, humans would only lie or stand, much like horses.

If you were able to touch the sun it would give you a very nasty burn.

If you have a rash, don’t show it to anyone who isn’t a qualified doctor. You might ruin their day.

Electronic tablets were designed to make people who kept touching their screens look normal.

The wheels on the bus go round and round, even when the bus is stationary, the wheels continue to rotate in an eery fashion.

Bicycles are made from the bones of dead horses. This is why you will never see a horse on a bike.

A female Lion is called a Lady Lion.

The Moon is much closer than you think. How close did you think it was? Incorrect. It’s much closer than that.

Don’t do drugs. A 14-year-old girl died when she did drugs. She was murdered by her family for doing drugs.

The German word for ‘Helmet’ literally translates as ‘HEAD PRISON’

Anticipating sex makes your hair grow faster. This is why pessimistic men go bald.