Miami Dad County

It’s easy to tell who gets more excited about sex in a relationship. I have 12-15 songs (with beats) I regularly sing about my wife’s booty... while I can guarantee you there are no songs about my junk. #husbandandwife

Why are my girls so opposite? One is tougher than a rock and the other cries when she steps in grass barefoot. #dadlife

I helped my 6 and 4 year old daughters do their homework... and now my teacher name is “Ms. Daddy.” #DadLife #Miami #Dad

I walk away from the dishwasher for 10 minutes before pressing START. There’s always an AWOL sippy cup. Always. #dadlife

Drive-Thru: “May I take you order?” Kid 1: “I’ll take 4 nuggets because I’m four!” Kid 2: “I’ll take 6 nuggets because I’m six!” Dad/me: “...and I’ll have 35 nuggets with no eye contact, thanks.” #dadlife

Before man feared god, he feared his wife. #dadlife

I’m finding out, what being METAL is all about!! SOFIA THE FIRRRSTT

My wife makes fun of me because I use 3-in-1 shampoo +conditioner +body wash. She is just jealous of my efficiency. #dadlife #miami

“Dad, were you ever a police officer?” “No, why?” “Where did these fuzzy handcuffs come from?” 😮 💀 #MiamiDadCounty #Dadlife

Where do they make the best toothbrushes? Brussia. #dadjokes

My kids have ruined my #AnimalCrossing home, as well. #Dadlife #GamerDad

My face when our 3 YO daughter picks up naughty words from mama instead of me. #MiamiDad