I live in Japan. Lately, I've started writing down things I overhear American tourists say. Here are my favorites so far. At Fushimi Inari, the mountain path with thousands of red gates: "Babe. How many more gates? We passed the 'last one' an hour ago." At a convenience store at midnight: "Why is this egg sandwich better than the food at our wedding?" In Nara, where the deer bow: "That deer just bowed at me. Do I bow back? ...I'm bowing back. I'm already bowing back." On a bullet train platform: "It left at exactly 10:00. Not 10:01. I'm a little scared." Coming out of a restroom: "The toilet started playing music, so I panicked and pressed every button." And then there's the one I didn't overhear. I just saw it. At Tokyo Station, the bullet train cleaning crew was lined up on the platform, bowing as the train pulled in. A little American girl, maybe six years old, stopped walking. She put her hands at her sides and bowed back. A big, serious, very careful bow. The whole crew smiled, and bowed to her again. She looked up at her mom and whispered, "They're so nice." I've lived here my whole life. That was one of the best things I've ever seen at Tokyo Station.

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Something something content of their character

Ahhhhh yeah I remember that. That wasnt Myers though, I thought? That kid had to wear the silver helmet during the redeployment ceremony. He had to wear a helmet anyway from it but they gave him the chrome dome. Always thought that was kinda I'd up, but it was the 25th.

Check them screws too

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Liberals: "you just want the poor to starve, isn't that true?" Me: ... Liberals: "what, you've got no answer to that ?!?" Me: "hang on, I'm thinking"

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LCpl. Abigail Rodriguezpabon is a pay clerk at Quantico. When she came across a multi-vehicle crash, she stopped, checked on the victims, and used her belt as a makeshift tourniquet for an injured passenger. She stayed until emergency responders evacuated everyone. Then she went to the hospital to check on the people she’d helped. It doesn't matter what your MOS is, anyone can make a difference.

I am a lifelong Democrat. As an Asian-American, I come from a family of immigrants and a diverse household. I always believed in the policies of the Democrat Party. As a teenager, I volunteered and knocked on doors for Barack Obama. I cried when Hillary lost in 2016. But today, I voted straight Republican on my absentee ballot! We must prevent Communists and Islamists from taking over this country. Vote Republican!

I hear it’s beautiful this time of year. Did you know that their constitution is almost identical to ours?

You can read their constitution online, almost identical minus the parts about black repatriation.