Fiction Writer / Parent / Misanthrope. Stories in @thesunmagazine, @BourbonPenn & elsewhere. Strip Mall: Stories available from @TailwindsPress

Illinois, USA
Joined January 2011
Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
"I grab the ice bucket from the dresser, but there’s a thumb in there, so I don’t want to use it. I check my hands to see if it’s my thumb, but it isn’t." @MatthewTMeade mrbullbull.com/newbull/ficti…
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Listened to a track on YouTube tuned to a frequency that is supposed to make everything fall into place. Had to listen to a Darren Bailey attack add first.
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Matthew Thomas Meade retweeted
Saw a great example of the way people in capitalist societies tend to reframe their dumb luck as the result of their own hard work and resourcefulness the other day. The winner of the survivalist competition Alone Australia was the only contestant whose location had any fish to eat; all the other nine contestants starved the entire time while he was catching fish easily. When the show was over the winner was like "Well, see, I beat everyone else because I made getting food a priority!" He'd watched the same show we all watched. He saw all the other contestants going to far more extraordinary measures than he ever went to in order to obtain fish and other nourishment, building boats to try to change their luck with the fish, constantly moving their gill nets and trying all kinds of lures and bait and still getting nothing. But he couldn't just say "Yeah I was dropped off at the only decent fishing spot on the show. I got lucky." He had to pretend his fortune was actually the result of his hard work and clever "obtain food" strategy. Our whole stupid society is like that. Those who get lucky say their fortune is the result of their own hard work and cleverness, so they should enjoy tax cuts and generational wealth while the less fortunate are sleeping on the sidewalk. Meanwhile those who've been working their fingers to the bone just to survive in this shitshow know money doesn't actually reward hard work. In our society, money rewards being born into the right family, being cruel enough to exploit the working class, and being sociopathic enough to externalize the costs of industry onto the environment, and being ruthless enough to crush anyone who is in competition with you. Which is why we find ourselves ruled by a plutocratic class of psychopaths today.
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Matthew Thomas Meade retweeted
Nothing like a little irony here in Iowa. In a game built, in part, around the story of Shoeless Joe Jackson and his second chance after being banned as part of the Black Sox scandal, there are gambling ads in each outfield corner.
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The economy is so bad that scam messages went from “you won the lottery” to “remote job available $18/hr”
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The refrigerator from “Nothin’ but a G thang,” except jars of pickles instead of 40s.
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Matthew Thomas Meade retweeted
i’m actually stealing AI’s job (wasting resources and making up stupid shit)
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What do people do if they actually need Microsoft Word to work? Is Word Perfect still a thing?
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Matthew Thomas Meade retweeted
"I grab the ice bucket from the dresser, but there’s a thumb in there, so I don’t want to use it. I check my hands to see if it’s my thumb, but it isn’t." @MatthewTMeade mrbullbull.com/newbull/ficti…
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Why didn’t anyone tell me Google Maps doesn’t work anymore?
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The most fucked up part about We’re All Going to the World’s fair is that annoying ASMR video in the middle of it. Stop making that sound with your mouth, weirdo. #WFC
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Trump is gonna find a way to ruin the World Baseball Classic with this “important message” isn’t he?
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Publishing is protecting literature against the most dangerous and fascistic elements of our society. Also, if you email them about your submission they will destroy your career.
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How can LinkedIn have every piece of information on me that there is to know, including every mailing address and my social security number and still know so little about me that they think I want to follow Barak Obama?
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I plan on being at Pilot Project Brewing in Logan Square all day on Sunday 3/15 (from 11am to 3pm is all day to me). Come by and hang out and I will buy you a lemon slice. Whether you put it into a beer or a club soda is up to you. open.substack.com/pub/matthe…
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In true Malcolm Gladwell fashion he hears someone say "Guns don't kill people, people with guns kill people" and it blows his mind so hard he writes a whole damn insufferable book about it.
Abacus has acquired The American Way of Killing by bestselling author Malcolm Gladwell, in which Gladwell argues that “the solution lies not simply in ‘more gun control’, but in a total re-evaluation of the issue” 👇 ebx.sh/83EyES
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Wrote a thing about what goes in and out of a shed and Reprise Magazine published it for some reason. inesmeow.com/magazine/
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John Updike is the Kid Rock of 20th century American letters and more people should acknowledge that.
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Matthew Thomas Meade retweeted
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A “ruemmler” sounds like an insult that a hard boiled detective from the 30s would use against a boozy housewife mad and embarrassing herself in public over her husband’s affairs.
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