Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC) header
Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC) profile picture

Unified Communications guy, burger eater, coffee drinker, Pompey fan...

UK
Joined January 2011
Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)Photo by Matt Ellis (@MattEllisUC)
I hate computers
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So, grab an opposition player by the throat and you get a red card and a 3 match suspension. Grab a kid in the crowd by the throat, be allowed to keep playing and only get a 2 match suspension. Make it make sense, @FA ...
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Matt Ellis retweeted
September’s Microsoft Teams Enterprise Update is here, and there’s plenty to catch up on! 🟣 11 Microsoft Teams Updates 🟣 5 Intelligent Spaces Updates Many thanks to @ribboncomm, this monthly community Benefactor Everything you need to know, including: 🟣 Teams Android device management is moving out of the Teams Admin Center and into the Teams Rooms Pro Management Portal during September. 🟣 Automatic recording and AI recaps for Call Queues 🟣 Meeting consent and security reporting, plus protection against QR codes from external senders 🟣 More control over recording, transcription and profanity filtering 🟣 MDEP, Microsoft Places and the latest Teams Rooms updates Watch the full update below; the deck and links are over on @EmpoweringCloud, You can also catch it on YouTube and the podcast feed. #MicrosoftTeams #Microsoft365
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From now on, this is the benchmark when using the word 'legend'. RIP Knightsie!
Portsmouth Football Club are devastated to announce the passing of Alan Knight at the age of 65, surrounded by his close family. The Pompey legend – who served the club as a goalkeeper, coach and ambassador – passed away this morning following a battle with prostate cancer. He will be sadly missed by the Fratton faithful, teammates and all of us at the club who knew and loved him. Rest in peace, Knightsie. 💙 🔗 portsmouthfc.co.uk/news/2026…
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🚨🇷🇸 Portsmouth have agreed deal to sign Marko Milovanović from Almería, all sealed now. €6m fee plus 15% sell-on clause.
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Anyone know what happened to ucdialplans.com?
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I heard he’s injured already. #PUP #Pompey
🔵 #Pompey are delighted to announce the appointment of Ronan Callaghan as chief financial officer.

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Matt Ellis retweeted
Last September I announced mandatory return-to-office. Five days a week. I called it a "culture-first initiative." Culture means presence. Presence means badge swipes. Badge swipes mean metrics. Metrics mean I can prove something to the board. I don't know what. But I can prove it. The announcement went out on a Tuesday. I sent it from my home office. In Aspen. I have an exemption. "Strategic leaders require location flexibility to maintain global perspective." I wrote that policy. HR approved it. HR approves everything I write. By Wednesday, 340 employees had updated their LinkedIn status to "Open to Work." I called it "natural attrition." Natural attrition means they quit before I had to pay severance. Very natural. We lost 47 engineers in the first month. I told the board it was "alignment correction." The people who left weren't aligned. With coming to an office. That I also don't come to. But that's different. I'm strategic. The office costs $4.2 million per year. Empty, it was a write-off. Now it's a "collaboration hub." I measured collaboration. Average daily Zoom calls from the office: 7.4 per employee. They commute 45 minutes. To take calls they could take from home. But now they're "present." Presence is culture. I've never been more certain of anything. A senior engineer asked why we couldn't stay remote. She had metrics. Productivity was up 23% during remote work. I said, "Productivity isn't everything." She asked what else mattered. I said, "Serendipitous collisions." She asked how we measure serendipitous collisions. I said, "You can't. That's what makes them serendipitous." She stopped asking questions. Then she stopped showing up. Then LinkedIn said she's at a company that's "remote-first." Good luck with that. They'll learn. We installed badge tracking software. It cost $380,000. It tells me exactly when people arrive. And when they leave. And how long they spend in each zone. I check it every morning. From home. The data is fascinating. Average arrival time: 9:47 AM. Average departure time: 4:12 PM. I sent a Slack message. "Core hours are 9 to 6." Arrival times shifted to 9:02 AM. Departure times shifted to 6:01 PM. Productivity did not change. But the metrics look better. Metrics are culture. We have a "hybrid" option now. Three days in office. Mandatory Monday. Mandatory Wednesday. Mandatory Friday. That's called "hybrid." Because Tuesday and Thursday are optional. But there are "anchor meetings" on Tuesday and Thursday. Attendance is "strongly encouraged." "Strongly encouraged" means mandatory without the liability. I learned that from legal. The head of product asked if he could work from home when his wife had surgery. I said, "Of course. Family comes first." Then I said, "But let's revisit your Q4 performance targets." He came to the office. His wife understood. I assume. I didn't ask. That's personal. The CFO asked about ROI on the RTO policy. I showed him the badge data. "Presence is up 340%." He asked if revenue was up. I said, "Revenue is a lagging indicator." He asked what the leading indicator was. I said, "Badge swipes." He nodded. The lease renews next year. Seven more years. $29 million committed. We needed bodies in the building. Now we have bodies. Fewer than before. But present. Morale is down. Glassdoor says we're "hostile to work-life balance." I told HR to respond. They wrote, "We're a high-performance culture that values in-person collaboration." That's corporate for "the review is accurate." But it sounds like a rebuttal. The CEO asked if RTO was working. I said, "Absolutely." He asked for evidence. I showed him a photo of the office. Full desks. Glowing monitors. Bodies in chairs. He smiled. "This is what culture looks like." It looked like a stock photo. Because I got it from a stock photo website. The real office has 40% occupancy on a good day. But he doesn't know that. He's also remote. We're both strategic. Next quarter I'm proposing a "collaboration bonus." $2,000 for anyone with 95% badge-in compliance. The bonus costs less than the turnover. And it shifts the narrative. We're not forcing people to come in. We're "incentivizing presence." Incentivizing means paying people to do something they don't want to do. It's different from mandating. Legally. The employees who stayed are "loyal." Loyalty means they have mortgages. And kids in school districts. And RSUs that haven't vested. They're not loyal. They're trapped. But on paper, it looks like loyalty. And paper is what the board sees. I've been doing this for 22 years. I know what culture looks like. It looks like butts in seats. Butts in seats mean control. Control means management. Management means me. RTO isn't about productivity. It never was. It's about seeing people. So I know they exist. So I know they're working. So I know I'm in charge. That's culture. As long as the badge swipes go up and to the right.
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Matt Ellis retweeted
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Hahahaha, this is ace.
Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it "digital transformation." The board loved that phrase. They approved it in eleven minutes. No one asked what it would actually do. Including me. I told everyone it would "10x productivity." That's not a real number. But it sounds like one. HR asked how we'd measure the 10x. I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards." They stopped asking. Three months later I checked the usage reports. 47 people had opened it. 12 had used it more than once. One of them was me. I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds. It took 45 seconds. Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations. But I called it a "pilot success." Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail. The CFO asked about ROI. I showed him a graph. The graph went up and to the right. It measured "AI enablement." I made that metric up. He nodded approvingly. We're "AI-enabled" now. I don't know what that means. But it's in our investor deck. A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT. I said we needed "enterprise-grade security." He asked what that meant. I said "compliance." He asked which compliance. I said "all of them." He looked skeptical. I scheduled him for a "career development conversation." He stopped asking questions. Microsoft sent a case study team. They wanted to feature us as a success story. I told them we "saved 40,000 hours." I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up. They didn't verify it. They never do. Now we're on Microsoft's website. "Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot." The CEO shared it on LinkedIn. He got 3,000 likes. He's never used Copilot. None of the executives have. We have an exemption. "Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction." I wrote that policy. The licenses renew next month. I'm requesting an expansion. 5,000 more seats. We haven't used the first 4,000. But this time we'll "drive adoption." Adoption means mandatory training. Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches. But completion will be tracked. Completion is a metric. Metrics go in dashboards. Dashboards go in board presentations. Board presentations get me promoted. I'll be SVP by Q3. I still don't know what Copilot does. But I know what it's for. It's for showing we're "investing in AI." Investment means spending. Spending means commitment. Commitment means we're serious about the future. The future is whatever I say it is. As long as the graph goes up and to the right.
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RIP Robert Redford. All the President's Men is one of my favourite films of all time and he was ace in that.
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Does anyone know Conor Chaplin's #Pompey squad number yet? #PUP
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Matt Ellis retweeted
Welcome back, @ConorChaplin10. 💙
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Exactly what you want from a player: 100% commitment. Never doubted Matt's effort or desire to work hard. Could always hear him on he pitch. Still not 100% on this decision to let him go, but best of luck, Matt! #PUP #Pompey
💙 "You are the heartbeat of this club and the reason Fratton Park is so special." 💬 A message from Matt Ritchie to you.
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Hey @myclubpro, go an issue with the club websites? Ours is down and a few others I've tried are too.
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