after my wife is asleep i plan to sneak off to the basement where i will stroke my little penis and then eat the watery substance that comes out of it @grok

our local high school had homecoming this week and it looks like the mascot is in a tremendous amount of pain

he’s got the juice

i can “my my” oh great oh geez what a buffoon i am!!!!

i can my my silverado flip by simply drinking seventeen IPAs and driving on the freeway for a fraction of the price of this piece of shit

me and the boys are running squads on chaturbate later if anyone wants to get some dubs

paul walker’s death just proved why they didn’t name him “paul driver.” if he had only lived up to his name, he might still be with us today……….

i despise trump and everything he stands for, but goddamn i’d be lying if i said i wouldn’t love to get a peek at his sweaty lil’ pecker 🤤

all my tweets are sent from here

this is the equivalent of talking to my freshman year of high school girlfriend on a landline while my dad shouted ROOOOOXXXXXXANEEEEE, you don’t have to put on the red light.” new generation, same crap.

my daughter has a friend over so i stuck my head in her room and said “alexa, play ‘down with the sickness’ by disturbed” and left

why does peyton manning do commercials for a work uniform company? if i was insanely rich and famous, i’d spend those important hours begging gorgeous women to let me smell their feet for $$$. hell, i’m not even rich or famous, but if you want to let me smell your feet, DM me…