I never believed in reincarnation before but... Dad?

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Hanson concert. I said oh yeah in an mmmbop they're gone

A lot of layers to this but an underrated part of it is demanding the head of a character who is canonically three years old

Must be weird to play for the Savannah Bananas. People will ask “What position do you play?” and you gotta be like “Third from the front in the conga line”

If I know nothing else about the man his last heartbeat was caught on a federal wiretap while he was planning to illegally bug a congressman’s gangbang RIP

Ant’s getting his money taken like the Thunder are a family court judge

“My enemy is a librarian” Bro you’re the villain in a PSA starring Capt. OG Readmore

‘Apple Cider Vinegar’ is a show that does better than most at explaining how hippy woo woo shit can turn to fascism and grift real quick. “Just make these choices and pay to be healthy” to “kill those who can’t or won’t.” Plus Kaitlyn Dever rules

One way people are talking past each other about the economy vs "the economy" or whatever is bc people like this lady who straight up lie. At the store yesterday Sugarbees were 2.99/lb. If that apple weighs 2.33 pounds she could offset the cost with a prize at the county fair

No one tell MAGA people this but you get to vote an extra time for every pronoun you use

The squirrel has swung my vote. But only because I hated it so much

I remember learning that Guy Fawkes Day celebrates that the guy trying to blow up parliament was *stopped*, instead of that it ruled he tried? As an American this was very hard to comprehend

Pokémon Go do heroin

I’ve always said it, Osama was killed by Woke