@MariaRandazzo

tv writer // comedian // trying to get an absolute freakin ass grip

 New York, NY
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hey-dad-with-maria-and-bob-randazzo/id1694226988
Joined October 2009
  • Tweets2.3K
  • Following965
  • Followers1.9K
138Media
see: every barista i dated
Carlos@mamaloveslos13 Aug 2025
No it’s actually pretty sick that you’re 27 years old and you purposefully type in all lower case still
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I lost my job then the next week I shit my pants. God works in mysterious ways because this could have happened at work. 🕊️
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Maria Randazzo retweeted
Reductress@Reductress22 Nov 2024
Normal! Woman Posts About Toilets 8,000 Times in Two Days: ow.ly/I96j50UcOrN
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Attorney General Matt Gaetz has brought down his first and last sex criminal, Attorney General Matt Gaetz.
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So mad about John Krasinski. Kras is the guy who helps you move. The guy who does your algebra homework. The guy who your mom begs you to consider. People Magazine has failed our republic.
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Maria Randazzo retweeted
Robert Reich
@RBReich6 Nov 2024
Countless Americans are endangered now on a scale and intensity almost unheard of in modern America. Our first responsibility is to protect these people and resist these forces.
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can’t stop poopin
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In case you might need at this juncture #election #election2024 #vote #Harris #HarrisWalz
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I’ll see who my ex is charging for “🍸”and comment “girl do not pay him”
pj@pjayevans16 Oct 2024
Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love seeing my boy Rick charge his wife for popcorn at amc
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I’m scared this is me
Pop Base
@PopBase15 Oct 2024
Anne Hathaway sings ‘Somebody To Love’ at a Broadway for Harris fundraiser.
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people are gonna hate this but sometimes i can’t tell if it’s Ben Affleck or Matt Damon
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WE NEED TO BRING I ❤️ 70s/80s/90s BACK PLZ GOOD GOD
Michael Ian Black
@michaelianblack9 Oct 2024
I'm your real dad.
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i can’t believe all the things i have to do today and for the rest of my life
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She’s a little different now…
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Early flight shades up ppl should be held without bail
Jay Jurden@JayJurden2 Oct 2024
Airplane window shade up on 7 am flight? My guy, I hope your wife is cheating on you and the kids like him more
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fear is the mind killer
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Livia Soprano reads the headlines #sopranos #news #tonysoprano
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whenever I see Billy Crystal I pray to Christ he’s wearing this #Emmys
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Maria Randazzo retweeted
Dan White@atdanwhite13 Sep 2024
Love it when my dentists says, “open a little wider please.” Here’s an idea: how about you do your fucking job and let me watch “Hot Ones” on my phone.
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Absolutely ridiculous.
philip lewis
@Phil_Lewis_9 Sep 2024
Beyoncé shut out of Country Music Association Awards with no nominations 'Cowboy Carter’ tennessean.com/story/enterta…

Beyoncé snubbed with no nominations for CMA Awards for 'Cowboy Carter'

Beyoncé did not receive any nominations for the 2024 Country Music Association Awards despite her groundbreaking album "Cowboy Carter."

tennessean.com
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