Things most Americans agree on: Groceries cost too much. Tariffs suck and make no sense. Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks. The debt is a mess. The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good. Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained. Americans are exhausted. AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you. Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF. Canadians are super fucking cool. Mexicans are chill. Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies. Good neighbors are a blessing. Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea. We all question, are we alone in the universe? We all fuck up along the way. Epstein didn’t hang himself. The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day. The Cowboys suck. Go Birds! Things we’re told to fight about: Me. Laptop. Vaccines. Transgenders in sports. Pronouns. That’s the joke.