Hope my pet chimp doesn't find all these razor blades I put in his favorite cereal box for safekeeping! Anyway, I'm off to the racetrack.

I can trust my pet chimp to safely deliver these important sperm vials to the infertility clinic, right? He won't mix up the labels.

Told my pet chimp to clean the bathroom while I'm out buying frozen burritos. Hope he knows not to use the bleach and ammonia together!

Is there a poisonous snake spray you could spray on, say, a chimpanzee? Like bug spray? But for poisonous snakes? Asking for a friend.

This lightning storm isn't letting up! It knocked my Dish loose. I'll send my pet chimp up to the roof to investigate. He'll be fine.

I can't find the lid to this 2-liter bottle of grape soda, so I'll just leave it here by my white rug, where my pet chimp is rollerskating.

I need to get this rare crystal vase to a safety deposit box, but there's a new episode of "Hoarders" on. I'll just have my pet chimp do it.

I'll just start this fire here in this fire pit and leave my pet chimp alone with these propane tanks he likes to roll on. That'll be fine.

I've got to go to work. My pet chimp can probably take care of these kittens with diarrhea, right?

Sent my pet chimp to the store for bulk rat poison and candy. Hope he doesn't mix them up!

Just found a whole bunch of C-4 plastic explosive left from my mining days. Gonna keep it in my chimp's room while I go buy a safe for it.

Heading out to a bar to meet with some colleagues. Hope my pet chimp doesn't do any damage with this samurai sword collection while I'm out!

Have to do some grocery shopping. Hope everything turns out OK if I leave my pet chimp alone in this Crate & Barrel!