Mamasaurus_Wrecks

They say you are "with child" when you are pregnant, but I'm a stay-at-home mom so I'm never really without child..... #momlife #sahm

Raising a toddler is a lot like trying to disarm a bomb, but you've cut every wire so you know it's for sure going to go off just not when or what the damage will be #momlife #toddlerlife #toddlers

It's 2019. My car now runs on essential oils

2yo keeps saying "potty parts" instead of "body parts" and I'm over here trying not to die of laughter #momlife #Toddlers #toddlerlife

My ex left me with quite the emotional baggage. Literally the way I pronounced "bag" (bag not bayegg). I speak IL of him.

I could totally homeschool. "Hey kids, let's pretend to be archeologists today. Here's the litter scooper"

Asked 2yo if she wanted eggs and bacon, but she chose cereal so I made her eggs and bacon because I knew she would eat "mine" #momlife #parentinghack #toddlerlife

2yo are a piece of strawberry jam toast and now she looks like The Joker.... #toddlerlife #toddlers

I like to loudly and indignantly exclaim, "Didn't your mother teach you better than that!?" while out in public with my kids just to throw off suspicion of my shortcomings as a mother... #momlife #parenting #parentinghack

2yo was crying during breakfast because we are out of bacon... Porkiddo.... #momjoke #momlife #toddlers

Anyone else think a "hot dog" should actually be called a "NOT dog"?

Good thing my husband roasts coffee for a living because #momlife got me like :

I know so little about buying wine that I accidentally bought my brother non-alcoholic "wine" for New Year's (and here I was offended they didn't card me) #whoops #badalcoholic

I'm "a snob about pillows and will buy a new one every week just to find the perfect fit" years old. My pillow budget is eating into our retirement... #life #pillowstruggles #pillowbudget

I am just hoping to raise children who aren't monsters who pour their milk before their cereal #momlife

Anyone else have a post-Christmas bin of toys in limbo to see if the toddler notices their absence? #momlife #toddlers #christmas2018

Why are dog toys cuter and more fun than baby toys? #babylife

Trying to order from a drive thru over the Blippi cd that's blaring because your 2yo will scream I'd you turn it down... #momlife #toddlerlogic #blippi

2: *munching on the couch* Me: "what are you eating?" 2: "a teddy graham" Me: *looks at husband, then back to 2* "where did you scrounge those?" 2: "my pocket" *pats jacket front * Me: "ohh... Umm okay" H: *shrugs* #momlife #dadlife #toddlers

I have discovered the actual purpose of your belly button : measuring one perfect serving of dry spaghetti #lifehack #momlife #cookingtips