The Machine

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Svedka Trees Sprout in Grant Park From Buried Lolla Alcohol Full article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #comedy #Lollapalooza #music #alcohol

McCaskeys Sheepishly Request that Aaron Rodgers Sell Chicago Bears Back to Them Full Article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #comedy #sports #football #bears #Packers

Marathon Delayed After City Officials See Mass of People Running Downtown, Raise Drawbridges #Chicago #comedy #satire #ChicagoMarathon #Politics

Marjorie Taylor Green Curses Antifa After Burning Roof Of Mouth On Italian Beef #Chicago #comedy #Satire #politics #news #italianbeef

Increasingly Feverish Earth Concerned It Might Have COVID Full article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #Earth #satire #comedy #news #covid #GlobalWarming

Colectivo Successfully Unionizes Despite Executives Trying To Trap All Workers In Giant Coffee Cup #Chicago #satire #comedy #coffee #unions #labor

Summer Smash Attendees Grateful That "New Normal" Still Includes Stampedes of Human Flesh #Chicago #satire #comedy #covid #music

Citadel Funds New Organ-Sharing App Full Article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #comedy #startup #VentureCapital #organsharing

"Living in Big City Like Chicago Can Reduce Depression," Says Study That Didn’t Ask Me Full Article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #comedy #hapiness

Weatherman Upset Suburban Tornado Warning Didn't Put Him on the Map Full Article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #weather #tornado

Covid Returns For Second Term #Chicago #satire #COVID19 #deltavariant

Cubs Trade Away Your Happiness, Childhood Memories, and Last Thing You Could Talk About with Your Dad Full article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #Satire #comedy #chicagocubs #Cubs #CubTogether #MLB #sadness

Corporations Terrified Simone Biles Inspiring People To Actually Use Their Sick Time/PTO #Chicago #Satire #USAGymnastics #selfcare #mentalhealth #TokyoOlympics2020

Adler Planetarium Reopens to Remind Lonely Chicagoans They Live in Vast, Uncaring Universe Full Article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #Satire #comedy #space #covid #existentialcrisis

Immersive Van Gogh Exhibit to be Replaced with Immersive Ms. Taylor’s 2nd Grade Art Class Exhibit Full article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #art #vangogh #teachers #artsandcrafts

Covid Spike in Ozarks Ruins Travel Plans for Tens of Chicagoans #Chicago #Satire #ozarks #COVID19 #Missouri #Travel #TravelRestrictions

Chicago Wage Hike Incites Splurge On Rent, Utilities #Chicago #satire #Illinois #minimumwage

More Bad News After Grandal Injury: White Sox Reveal Tim Anderson Does Not Exist Full Article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #MLB #BaseBall #WhiteSox

Logan Square Woman Finds Text Therapy Optimal for Ghosting Therapist Full article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #therapy #betterhelp #ghosting

Frustrated JB Shouts, “Get the Fudging Vaccine Already!” Full Article: thechicagomachine.com/new-bl… #Chicago #satire #Illinois #Politics #vaccine #COVID19 #CovidVaccine #fudge #GetVaccinated