My First Novel retweeted
‘It all happened so fast. He knocked me to the floor, yelling “Yippee ki-yay, mothercuddler!”I landed on a dog bowl (which was strange as we don’t have a dog). I lay there dazed and totally innocent and told him to get out.
“I’ll kill you, you bald nonce!” he snarled as he left.’
My First Novel retweeted
If you’re a Children’s Literary agent interested in quirky, funny, character-driven fantasyish middle grade books, please get in touch. Thank you x
My First Novel retweeted
I have a nice idea for a ‘Pooh Happens’ book.
If any publishers are interested, please feel free to tweet or DM me. I’ll reply as soon as I’ve given Stephen his annual bath.
My First Novel retweeted
All right dears, I admit it - I write @Pooh_2022. What can I say?
Pooh happens…
My First Novel retweeted
After three hours on a log with a naked bear, Piglet was beginning to regret swiping right.
My First Novel retweeted
It was only day 4 but Winnie the Pooh was already struggling with Dry January.
My First Novel retweeted
“Isn’t it wonderful to have so many different species of animals for friends?” pondered Pooh, one bright frosty morning.
“God you’re so bloody woke,” seethed Piglet.
My First Novel retweeted
No one was quite sure what happened to Mr Sanders or why Winnie the Pooh now lived in his house.
You didn’t ask too many questions in the 100 Acre Wood.
My First Novel retweeted
Thanks to Piglet’s call, Pooh had just enough time to hide his cocaine stash before the rozzers arrived…
My First Novel retweeted
Things had changed a lot since the old days. The 100 Acre Wood was now the 100 Acre City -
Eeyore was now an in-demand motivational speaker, Tigger was CEO of a successful mindfulness and tantric yoga company and Owl ran a bar called Hooters.
My First Novel retweeted
“That was delicious!” said Piglet, licking his plate. “Even better than haycorns! What is it called?”
“Er, I think it’s called pulled pork,” replied Pooh.
“Ooh, what’s that?” asked Piglet.
“Never mind,” said Pooh, sliding the menu under his seat.
My First Novel retweeted
“I can’t wait for Christopher Robin’s Christmas party!” said Piglet, jumping up and down with excitement. “I hope it’s as much fun as last year’s!”
“Shhhh!” said Pooh, grabbing Piglet’s tiny pink shoulders. “He told us not to talk about that!”
My First Novel retweeted
Pooh and Piglet walked and walked and walked.
“Where is everyone?” asked Piglet.
“I don’t know,” said Pooh. “They must be Indoors.”
“Why?” asked Piglet, nervously. “What are they afraid of?”
“Probably just Heffalumps,” said Pooh.
My First Novel retweeted
“What do you want for Christmas?” asked Pooh.
“A PS5” answered Piglet, hopefully.
“What’s that?” asked Pooh.
“I think it stands for Piglet’s Special Five,” said Piglet.
“Five what?” asked Pooh.
“I’m not sure” said Piglet.
“Well,” said Pooh “That must make it very special indeed!”
My First Novel retweeted
If you’re a Harry Potter type, you should follow the amusing @Harry_Potters_ #HarryPotter
