If I’m tweeting, then you can bet your sweet ass I’m drinking 🍷

HiberMating: A Canadian term after weeks of -30+ temps

5:03 am . First selfie for 2020. It’s all downhill from here

It’s 4:20am and I’m cleaning my kitchen from a night of drinking and dancing. Everyone has left or is in bed and I have Boston on blast. It’s been a beautiful farewell to 2019. Hope you all had a good one too 💋

You need an Impala...there will be more than a fan belt squealing 😉

My girlfriend told me tonight that she always positions herself in the middle of the bed so she doesn’t have to sleep in the ‘wet spot’! and here I AM sleeping on the wet spot on my pillow!!! WTF

My ripped jeans look sexy until I sit down...then it’s all thigh moguls

The best part about gaining 20lbs since Thanksgiving (besides bigger boobs) is it really fluffs out my wrinkles.

Why the fuck can’t we smoke weed or cigs indoor anymore? Jesus Christ! Oops sorry that’s offensive too🙄

If you didn’t have sex in the back of a Impala in the 80’s did you really lose your virginity?

You might be Canadian when you hear he’s uncircumcised and you say “so his dick has a toque”

I hate snow. It’s just a reminder that the only thing getting plowed at my house is the driveway.

Is it weird that I want to smell your armpits, lick your salty neck and kiss your dry lips after your hard day at work? Ya ok, I’m weird.

Appearing to have my shit together between 7am-7pm is part of my alchemy