Lucid Lament⌚️💀

I walk through the hallway, eyes like glass They all pretend not to see me pass. I smile too wide, I speak off-beat, They say I'm strange. I say I'm complete. They color inside, I draw on the wall. They walk straight lines-I skip, I fall. But falling's just another flight When rules don't feel like they fit right. They call me chaos, broken and wrong. But I've been singing their truth all along. I see what they hide behind the calm- The shaking hands inside the palm. Nothing fits but me. I wear my storm like skin. You lock your doors politely- I kick mine down and grin. They build their masks from silence, I laugh too loud, too free. You say I don't belong here- But nothing fits like me. I don't start fires-I just know flame. I don't need credit, I don't want fame. But push me hard and watch me turn- I smile, and everything starts to burn. It's not for harm, I don't delight, I just don't hide from what feels right. You flinch at shadows on your floor- I paint with them and ask for more. You say I twist what you believe, But I just say what you won't grieve. You build a world too tight to breathe- I cut the threads so I can leave. Nothing fits but me. I shape the rules to break. You follow maps they handed you- I draw mine in the quake. They hold their hearts like secrets. I wear mine visibly. You say I'm not the answer- But I'm the missing piece you flee. I don't want to scare you, But I won't shrink to please. If you can't dance through lightning, Don't ask me to freeze. I tried to match your rhythm, It bruised me every time. So now I move like thunder- Out of step, out of line. Nothing fits but me. And that's not shame-it's flame. I never asked to be like you. I only came to claim The space that bends, the place that breaks, The song without a key. You say I don't belong here- But this world doesn't fit me.

Yup seems Johnny on the spot.

It’s come true!

My wife @missusmummy, and her way of showing that she loves me by getting me the skin I wanted. I feel like there's an underlying message though....

I just received a gift from Nephlym via Throne: BIRTHDAY CARD - LUCID ($25.00). Thank you! throne.com/missusmummy/colle…

I just received a gift from Simic via Throne: BIRTHDAY CARD - LUCID ($25.00). Thank you! throne.com/missusmummy/colle…

99 Red balloons! It’s my day.

I know that a clock cannot plot my demise, Yet time often plays tricks I can’t rationalize, With a curious habit of changing its pace, It sprints through a year but lets some moments waste, A lifetime can vanish imperceptibly, But five little minutes can drag endlessly, A mercurial constant that'll never behave, It'll squander a minute or swallow an age, And lately its patterns have started to blur, And every disturbance is tied back to her, I thought it was nothing, something benign, Till missing her started consuming my mind, She walks in looking like a fever dream, My reality comes apart at the seams, One look and my heart gave a violent beat, Every denial fell dead at my feet, Maybe I'm mistaken, maybe it's absurd, But she laughs at my jokes, and remembers my words, Today as I waited for the perfect shot, Time slowed to a crawl, it practically stopped, The second hand circles at a measured pace I look every few minutes and glare at its face, The second she's here it goes, tick tick tick, Apparently time has remembered it’s quick, Hear that wicked clockwork humming, Heartbeat drumming, now I’m running, running, running, The seconds speed up and the minutes mock, Now here I am running against the clock, Every chance comes and goes before I decide I rehearse the confession but the moment slips by It’s high time I tell her, I’ve thought it for weeks, Then my resolve fades and high time retreats, Time heals all wounds, what a beautiful lie, Mine only grow worse as I let it pass by, Time waits for no man, I’d like to object Its conduct has been highly suspect, Taciturn tendencies, a terrible flaw, The words are right there but I say none at all, Inside of my head they all sound rather fine, Then she looks my way and I just ask her the time, Tick tock tick tock, a maddening beat, The cadence of something that knows it can cheat, Hear that wicked clockwork humming, Heartbeat drumming, now I’m running, running, running, My timing gets worse the more that I talk, Perpetually running against the clock, Turn back, slow down I’m begging you now I’ve rehearsed every word I just need to know how, To keep the right minutes, From slipping away, Give me one honest moment, With her here today, If only there was a way I could kill time, No witnesses present, no body, no crime, I’d silence the ticking, dismantle the chime, Transmute every hour into borrowed time, But the menace is eternal, cunning and sly, You can murder an hour, but it never will die, Hear that wicked clockwork humming, Heartbeat drumming, I’m always running, running, running, A curse in the clockwork, a spell meant to mock, I’m tired of running against the clock I’m tired of running against the clock, I don’t deal in foolish fantasy or signs I prefer solid ground and predictable lines I could live with rejection, what I fear is the cost, That asking for more could mean everything lost, But if loving her makes me a fool after all I’d rather take the risk and embrace the fall, When reason pulls back, when fear leaves the room, There’s only one answer, and all roads lead to you, Hear that wicked clockwork humming, Words I’ve swallowed have my heartbeat drumming, Still I'm running, running, running, Hope pushed me forward, now I can't stop, One last race against the clock, Against the clock I thought standing still meant nothing to lose, But time takes its toll whether or not we choose, No clock can promise that the moment will fit, Perhaps the right time, is just deciding it is, Tick tock, let the seconds, do whatever they will I’ve spent long enough waiting for time to stand still. "Against the Clock by Virelia" @/riasora27_alt

Do you want to know the most disturbing thing I’ve seen lately, and something that instantly puts you from mind, and Mummy’s good graces? Guys slipping into her dms, and asking for attention, and when she explains “I’m really mentally down. Because of Lucid having surgery, or I’ve been taking care of Lucid.” And the replies she gets? “Oh.” “Right.” “That did happen.” Like mother fuckers I know you think you’ve gots rights and privileges to slip into my wife’s dms, but she isn’t good right now because of the shit I’m going through. So listen here. I will start telling her to cut people who do this completely off. I come first, I’ve never had surgery before, she’s juggling my entire system, and my broken down body. Respect my wife, or I’m going to stop being chill with those out there who know this is about you, and fucking start burning any bridge you had.

My wife is a one of a kind person. She's caring, loving, and has a heart that never stops giving. In her life, she puts everyone else first, and for that, we should all be grateful, because most people don't do that. I don't. Throughout all of this even while she's been worrying herself to death, she has gone above, and beyond to keep me stable, to be my rock, to absolutely be there for anything, and everything I need. She truly has the biggest heart, and I am blessed every day that we are together. Soul mates don't even come close to what we are, because she also gave room to my alters. She accepts them, loved them, and takes care of them as well. I am honestly a cold individual most of the time, but she does everything under the sun to make me feel alive. I told her when we first met that I'd love her forever, and that's never once faltered. What I didn't imagine how much her love for me would grow, and how much she shows it. I could never write, spend money, or say anything in comparison to even show a sliver of the appreciation she deserves. If you're lucky enough to get her giving you attention, and affection; then never take it for granted because she's learned that those that do, don't deserve to keep getting it anymore. Without her I would of been having panic attacks, my alters would of been spiraling; and instead she took care of us, and made sure we weren't ever made to feel forgotten. I love my wife, because she loves me harder than any conceivable way that I could love her back. I wish I had the world, and more to give her, I wish I wasn't always sick, but I'll spend the rest of my life showing her that she is loved, and appreciated even if I can only reach up to her knees in the sheer amount she shows me back. A day with you punkin, is a year of love that you show me every time. I'll keep trying to work on being the partner you deserve, we all will.

Home, healing, recovering. So I don’t intend to respond to anyone until I’m feeling better. But I love you all, and all your well wishes. This is my first surgery, so I’m trying to get use to it, and still overcoming the pneumonia.