Happily married to my 5’5” king for 8 years while y’all are getting ghosted by 6’2” alcoholics with 7th grade reading levels but go off about how you only date tall men I guess

i still stand by my statement that tall men can’t read. they are too far from the page.

once again my stupid little tweet about my short husband has gone viral so here’s an update. my tiny billionaire husband and i are still married with an even tinier daughter. she is 3, but i suspect she will grow.

was that an earthquake or another car crashing into a building in los feliz?

one of my biggest pet peeves is when i’m with my 3 year old at a restaurant and the host asks if i need seating for 1 and a half to which i always reply- 2 please, she is a full person. maybe it’s petty and i know they think they’re being cute but THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAID

decided to get out of LA due to fire/winds/ general mayhem and I now understand why kids in disaster movies are so annoying- aliens could come attack and my daughter would be screaming I WANT MOANA SONG

crying at how they’ve drawn him like handsome squidward omg

this is the energy i’m bringing into 2025

i love how psychotic toddlers are. we just found out our elderly cat has lymphoma and my 3 year old daughter gleefully exclaimed “I think she is dying!”

witnessing road rage on a sunday morning is so disorienting like excuse me mr bmw can you please wait for my stimulants to kick in

if i saw these on the street i would simply pass away