One of my great childhood memories = falling asleep on the sofa & waking up in bed.... I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore :)

With all these storm winds I’m very worried about the caravan on my drive……I didn’t have one yesterday!! 😳😆

Sometimes you just have to admit it may be time to retire! 🤣🤣

The clocks go back this weekend, so here’s a handy dandy guide to help you 😆👇👇👇👇👇

If anyone is wanting ideas for what to get me for Christmas……..I’m a size 7 nights in Italy 👍

Today is International Premature Ejaculation Day. It seems to come quicker every year! 🤔🤦🏻‍♂️🤣

Seems a bit harsh of the BBC 🤔😵‍💫😆

True story

Aldi’s look-a-like chocolate needs to calm tf down 🤔😳🤣

Got a neighbour you don’t particularly get on with? This Halloween, why not leave this on their doorstep overnight 🤔😳🤣

Poor thing only lasted half a Scaramucci 🤣🤣

For when you’re struggling at work…. Be Like Ass Hair! Stay strong like ass hair. Ass hair literally has no sunlight, they have no room to breath and they’re constantly dealing with shits……but they keep on growing! Be strong like Ass Hair!! 🤔😳😆

Can’t decide which Halloween costume I should wear this year…. Throbbing Hood or Skelebone 🤔😳🤣

FUN FACT Koi Carp always travel in a group of 4. If attacked, Koi A, B & C will scatter, leaving just the D Koi behind 🤦🏻‍♂️😆

No lie detected 🤣🤣

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Does “12 month matured” mean “we repackaged the stock we didn’t sell last year”? 🤔

Dear Marketing & Sponsorship Department 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🤣

World Mental Health Day - a day to remind everyone that your mental health matters & you should take good care of it. It’s okay to cry, feel sad or not be okay. Everyday brings challenges & your feelings are valid. Take a break, breathe & listen to others & put judgement aside

Testing out a Halloween recipe for eyeball cookies but appear to have made a plate of almond flavoured titties 🤦🏻‍♂️🤣

Who the hell is that in the Oval Office … oh,wait…I see now….Aak-aak-aak!

I’m more than happy to be a potential psychopath, now just pass me my damned coffee 😆