[Sign above two doors: One guard always lies, the other always tells the truth. You can only ask one guard one question.] Adventurer: *walks up to guard* "Ahem. Which door would the other guard tell me is safe to walk through?" Guard: "I do not recall." Adventurer: "...shit."

For those who may be migrating to the land of the butterfly, I am krudmonger there, as the krud moniker was swiped out from under me.

"Short" is longer than "long." And "shorter" is even longer.

I wonder how disturbed the first person was to hear carolers singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" at them: "Honey, there are some carolers outside demanding figgy pudding... and they say they won't go until they get some."

I wish I could disable the F1 key, as I'm never looking for Help when I accidentally hit it.

PSA for businesses: if your mobile app login doesn't have the option to view the password that we're trying to enter on our stupid touch screen with our thumbs, then your app is bad and you should feel bad.

Not sure if it's true, but I just read that starting Nov 15th everyone's tweets will be used to train AI, which I'm not on board with, but rather than delete my account, tiny musk pen is mall sad clown paintings dancing with emerald nepotism beta shenanigans in cyber lemons.

Hey, various brands/companies/organizations: Just in case nobody told you, whenever you add AI features to your product, you lose the respect of a significant chunk of your consumer base. (I was gonna try to fit a punchline here somewhere, but it's not really a funny situation.)

Niece: "I can't!" Mom: "Do it, or do not. There is no can't." Me: "..." Mom: "Do you know who I was? Yoda from Star Trek!" Me: *laugh* "I want you to say that near one of my friends. Yoda's Star Wars." Mom: "Same thing." Me: "I REALLY want you to say that near one of my friends!"

Me: "People can't be as stupid as politicians think they are, right? " Internet: "Is stir fried rocks the next big dish?" Me:

Exhibit #139 as to why AI shouldn't be relied on:

I dunno, the phrase "Trunk or Treat" sounds way more foreboding to me than "Trick or Treat."

[Once upon a time at the Five and Dime]: Bryan Adams: "I'd like to buy this six-string." Prince: "Okay, that'll be-- whoa, check out that beret." Adams: "Do you sell those here?" Prince: "Nah, she found that at a secondhand store."

Me: *eating a chocolate donut* "This is awful." Her: "So why are you still eating it?" Me: "Because a bad chocolate donut is still better than no chocolate donut."

Really frustrated because @Mintmobile always renewed a day or two AFTER my paycheck dropped (first the 18th, then the 16th), so the money was always there, but this month it says it's going to renew a day or two BEFORE, and I can't figure out how to get it to delay a day or two.

Fast food: "Y'know how nuggets always come with free dipping sauce, right?" Customer: "Yeah?" Fast food: "Well, what if we pre-dip them for you and charge you more, and say they're new?" Customer: "Eh..." Fast food: "Wait, we haven't told you about our Ketchupy Fries yet!"

I loved Sierra games back in the day, but I would never expect kids today to care about them. Meanwhile, a guy I know is like "Why don't my kids want to figure out this frustrating game that doesn't let them be creative like literally every game they've played up to this point?"