@Kingsroc

I will use Twitter however I like and no lawyer on earth may stop me.

 The moon.
Joined September 2010
  • Tweets9K
  • Following455
  • Followers2.3K
134Media
*walks up to pharmacy counter* look condoms are great but do you have anything that can protect me emotionally
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[losing badly in a contest] guys its not a contest
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*looks outside to notice the robot uprising has begun* Finally. *sweeps paperwork into the trash can*
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I saw a dead bird and my first instinct was to have a bird funeral because apparently my inner child is a 13 year old goth.
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Yes.
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Probably a pretty lenient Dad all around. Just lets you do whatever the hell I bet.
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*the pharmacist hands me a full bottle of Xanax and we hi-five*
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I aspire to be most dogs.
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Don't worry baby. I'm not like the other guys. *opens shirt to reveal a mass of wriggling snakes*
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Soft shell crabs need to be tougher. Emotionally I mean. Stop crying Kevin it was just a joke.
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Dating seems to be mostly doing embarrassing things and hoping the other person likes you enough not to care.
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2016: Trump will never be president. 2045: they can't re-elect robot trump. Never gonna happen. 2100: can I get some Trump on my trump
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You know what they say about guys with big feet. If you take a picture of them in the woods it will be really blurry.
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It's not so weird to sit in your car right? Like that's pretty normal. I thought so too but a LOT of deer have started to surround my car.
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The dude who writes Dilbert believes that there will be a "race war" and that when that happens he will be a "top ten assassination target"
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*sticks head under water* do not email me or my son ever again.
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HOST: tonight at 11. We'll be interviewing a small demon about the state of American politics DEMON: *screams* STUDIO AUDIENCE: *laughter*
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eat the cinnamon bun. Basically just have it float all delicious in front of my face.
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Hella want mind powers this morning for very useful reasons. (Can't eat this cinnamon bun while driving).
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