@Kickresume

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kickresu.me
Joined February 2013
  • Tweets9.4K
  • Following1.6K
  • Followers16.2K
3KMedia
Found out the new hire makes more than me. Great for morale. 🚀 🤦‍♂️
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"Wear many hats" means one salary, several job descriptions. 👷+👮‍♂️+🧑‍💼+🕵️‍♀️+🧑‍🚀 = 🙋‍♂️
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I don't have hobbies. I have a job and a recovery period.
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I've been here long enough to watch my own bad ideas come back as someone else's strategy. 🙂‍↕️ 😮‍💨
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Corporate says "removing layers." Sounds less like a restructuring and more like a skincare routine. 🧴
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Unlimited PTO? That's basically "nobody will approve it" in a nicer font. 🤥 😵
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Payday is just holding the landlord's money for four business hours. 💸
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Q4 plan: be grateful for my job in public, keep 14 job tabs open in private.
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Back in the office five days a week so I can Slack someone sitting four metres away...
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Willy Wonka handed a stranger an entire factory after one tour. I need three references for a part-time role. 📝 📝 📝 🧑‍🍳
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Rockstar Games got a year-long delay "for polish." I asked for one extra day and got a 15-minute "quick sync." 🤦‍♂️
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Half the team vanished overnight and the all-hands called it "removing layers."
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Taylor Swift broke a Spotify record in 24 hours. My application has been "under review" since August. Where did I go wrong? 🎸
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First time in history a sick day is being booked six weeks in advance. #GTA6
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Getting an interview right now feels like finding a golden ticket, except the factory tour has six rounds. 🎟️
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My manager said "whatever it takes" and then denied my Friday off. 😅
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Endgame is back in cinemas. My salary also still thinks it's 2019. 👎 #Avengers
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Graduated in May. My parents now introduce me as "figuring it out." 👋
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GTA 6 and my promotion were both announced years ago. Only one of them got a release date. 😅
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Got a 3% raise. Commute went up 8%. Somebody’s doing great... 🛴
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