I can’t go to sleep. As a former medic, the event in Wainwright is the stuff of nightmares. Before an exercise or on deployment you’re always thinking what’s the worst case scenario I might face. You make plans in your mind for a hundred possibilities. You pack your kit for the most likely eventualities. You pray you’ll not have to put your more advanced lifesaving training to use. If you’re lucky you won’t, but sometimes you do. And sometimes, despite all the training, planning, and careful preparation, it isn’t enough. Sometimes you simply can’t be ready. That’s not your fault. Do not blame yourself. You can’t see the future and you can’t save them all. Do your best for the ones you can and be proud of that. It’s ok to feel messed up. Ask to talk to someone, don’t let your thoughts or emotions tear you apart. If you think something like this won’t affect you, don’t be surprised if someday down the road it does. When that happens, ask to talk to someone then. Thinking of all the front line health care, fire, police and investigators doing gods work to help and protect those who need in the aftermath of today. You’re not alone. Never feel like you have nowhere to go or have no one to turn too when it becomes too much. Help is out there.