Joke Slinger

I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me send money.

By the time you find greener pastures, you're too old to climb the fence.

Whenever I go on a blind date the bird always leaves as soon as she hears my lisp… I can't say I'm so surprised.

Me: I'm gonna do my best this year in school! …*2 weeks later*… Me: F**k this…

I'm planning a remake of 'The Never Ending story'.It starts with me asking my wife, How was work?

I don't have a problem with caffeine.

Funny Epitaph: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann

Keep your head high & your middle finger higher.

Love means never having to say, Does that twenty include the spanking?

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time & sometimes you weep.

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got & 50% what people think you've got.

Oxymoron: farewell reception

Oxymoron: Loosely Packed

I need a six month vacation, twice a year.

I've been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days,

Let's watch a scary movie! *hours later* Dude walk me to the bathroom…

Oxymoron: Customized Template

After the success of my first restaurant, Karma, I've decided to expand my food business & open Karma 2. We serve just desserts.

Doctor prescribed Viagra for sun burned legs. Patient: Will it take away the pain? Dr: No, but it'll keep the sheets off your legs tonight.

11:10… One more minute! *Gets distracted* 11:12. Seriously?

Create your own happiness, eat lots of ice cream.