Fantastical Feats of Fuckery, served up daily since 1977. Inspiration for the Lady Gaga hit, /When Ginger Jesus Rides In On a Scorpion./
San Antonio, TX
Joined February 2013
- Tweets22K
- Following310
- Followers217
- Likes6.8K
Pinned Tweet
Dear Mr. NonReg:
You, sir, are an asshole, and what's more, you're an asshole because it entertains you.
Sincerely,
Science
The Devilspawn isn't exactly the "high school spirit" type, taking after her mom and I, but I like that she has this shirt. I also wonder how many kids in her school know what the back is referencing. A lot, I would hope.
Watching horror flicks in the runup to Halloween, and the Devilspawn specifically wants to watch the O.G. "Friday the 13th" because she likes Jason Voorhees as a slasher villain.
This is gonna be hilarious.
Good news is, I'm gonna save something like fifty bucks a month by canceling my ESPN subscription a few months in advance.
There is no bad news.
RECIPE: Mince three cloves of garlic.
ME: Okey-doke.
(I don't know what kind of gamma-ray treatment they gave this head of garlic, but I'm gonna roll with it, by God.)
JohnnyNonReg retweeted
ODU FUMBLES VT GETS A SCOOP AND SCORE BUT THEY FUMBLE BEFORE THE GOALINE AND ODU RECOVERS
ON THE VERY NEXT PLAY ODU FUMBLES AND VT GETS A SCOOP AND SCORE
Just had to make this combined clip and Video via @TheCW_Sports
And before anyone asks, no, I'm also not gonna install Tinder Telemedicine and Bumble Business Expense Tracking.
My company's health insurance program just added a new "benefit" in the form of a mobile app that appears to show you exercises that you can do at home. The app's called "Hinge Health." It's like HR's trying to get us all divorced. Sorry, no "Hinge" anything for me.
ME: <handing the Devilspawn a postcard urging her to go to some crapsack college> It begins.
DEVILSPAWN: <looks> It's already begun, Dad, my inbox has been full of this shit for, like, two years.
ME: Ah. Back in my day, they didn't use emai--<sighs, trudges into the catacombs>
I just read an article on a respected, well regarded website in which the author--a person who I assume is a paid, professional assembler of paragraphs--spelled the "-esque" suffix as "-esc." Please, online publishers, I'm begging you: hire proofreaders and copy editors.
Why the hell hasn't anybody remade "The Towering Inferno"? Huge ensemble cast, VFX showcase... what gives? Thoughts, @tvaziri? You seem best qualified to explain it.
Surprise, surprise, the overrated, overpriced purveyors of bastardized bullshit--in Alamo fucking Heights, no less--turned out to be scumbags.
I don't understand people taking more than five minutes to get their shit handled at the pharmacy drive-thru. I pull in, state my business, and I'm out of there in about 90 seconds. Are these fucking people dropping off their scrips and then waiting for them to be filled? Jesus!
JohnnyNonReg retweeted
During the awards season for Pulp Fiction, Spielberg invited Tarantino duck hunting with Robert Zemeckis. Since Forrest Gump and Pulp Fiction were about to go head-to-head, he thought they should spend time together as artists first, not rivals.
During the trip, hoping to keep Tarantino level-headed and his expectations in check, Spielberg told him exactly how he thought the Oscars would play out. He turned out to be right. Tarantino explains:
“He said, ‘Here's what's going to happen at the Oscars. I don't think you're going to win Best Picture. I think Bob (Zemeckis) is going to win Best Picture, and I think Bob's going to win Best Director. But I do think you'll win Best Original Screenplay.’
Then he stopped, turned around, looked at me and said, ‘Second movie, little gold man. Not too bad.’”
Quote comes from Tarantino's appearance on the Howard Stern Show, November 2022.
JohnnyNonReg retweeted
Some guy tried attacking this street performer in Las Vegas and ended up tearing his acl
The street performer clowned the guy by making a song about him while the paramedics were there 😂😂😂
JohnnyNonReg retweeted
Sam Neill, 'Jurassic Park' Star, Dies at 78 variety.com/2026/film/obitua…
