Jimmy English

🚨JUST IN🚨 The next time Jimmy Fastball consumes a rumpz shot will be July 4th weekend 2027. Thanks for your attention on this matter. Regards, Jimmy English

Fighting demons to not walk to mini pitchers rn

70 degrees and they expect me NOT to pound Modelo mini pitchers.

Jimmy walking past a Pilates studio with big windows.

Nice try in fantasy lil guy @JamesBuck32

My strippy tweet had too much traction.

Mini pitcher

Hangover is kicking in.

Hahahah yea I’m getting chippy soon fuck off.

I’m not drinking until black out Wednesday.

Thank fuck I have a fresh pack of DC from Costco. Let me get naked and melttttttt

Was that greasy, yes. However free will is special and sometimes you need a taste of it.

Ok shrink Jimmy to an atom now. Why did I do that.

So last night I got fucked up and limed to the stripy. Got a drink and STG the economy so bad even the STRIPPY is hurting. Very few gals and Jimmy just tried honing in his negotiation skills. Kind of smart by me. Just trying to stay Sharp. @boondockluca19 @TheRockRomano

Wanna stay sober but free will makes ole Jimmy want to get feral, party, and just live life. Get drunk. Maybe do drugs. Solo strippy.

I want to get on the record and let everyone know this DID NOT happen. I did not do mini pitchers yesterday.

I really enjoy when my bartender talks politics — especially when it doesn’t line up with mine. Do you want a tip, tiny fella?

mini pitchers happy hour with my laptop is looking so fuckin likely god damnit fuck Jimmy shrunk him to an atom now.

Jimmy “Anakin” English

fahhhhhhh